no post for a while

and by crikey there should have been.

In truth I haven't wanted to. A friend of mine posted this in response to my last blog and cleared up his previous question by asking a new one: "what positive impact are you having on the world?"

Indeed this is the crux of what I was getting at in my last post. I finished that with kind of saying, well, if you you are good at heart, do good stuff, then the effect can only be positive. I implied that that was sufficient and walked away happy that I was doing enough. I read this question above and felt that I had lied to myself, a small comfortable lie but the truth is I was not doing enough and this is still the case. Indeed, it seems I do not want to do more. The excuses are plenty - no time, no money, other obligations... In my heart I know that I am not doing enough. This has stopped me sitting here and writing. I knew if I did, then I would have to face this truth.

I am now thinking something that will placate this feeling, but will be another comfortable lie if I do not act on it. My new years resolution this year will be to do something about it. Now being trained as I am in project management, requirements analysis and problem solving I will be able to get around such a wishy washy definition. Perhaps over the next few weeks I'll put some ground rules around that.

Its odd, such a quest requires the definition of doing something that has a positive impact on the world. Theres a question of scale - both in terms of how much of the world and how much of an impact. How does one measure the impact? The other question of course is can any good come of an action I am undertaking because I feel I should do it, rather than a great desire to do it.

Given my previous writings and what I have read desire is most certainly the wrong word. Perhaps a sense of duty is the only place this can come from. Writing about it, as I have pointed out before, is risky though. It means I may be no longer doing it for myself but for my audience - as small as it is. If that becomes the case that would taint my actions - as I have already said in this blog, I must be on guard for that. If anyone does read this and in future months feels I am playing to the audience rather than doing what should be done - shout at me! (an email will be fine though)