Who am I if my knowledge of right and wrong comes elsewhere?

This is an odd question that popped into my mind a while ago. Where does freedom of thought and expression and personal choice come in where one believes that one can enter a state of mind which dictates right from wrong?

I think however that this is an immature view of something I do not yet understand. Most of the processes around achieving enlightenment etc. seem to be about clearing out the old impure (for want of a better word) thoughts so that one can think clearly from ones core/true being. Thus, one is less influenced by fear and adverse experiences of the past and one can observe now with clear eyes. In such a state I imagine it is quite obvious what must or should be done - its only fear and self delusion that hides this or prevents us from taking that path.

Could one interpretation of the tao in this context be used to mean that which is our true being? hmm...

The Force and the Tao

"You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack." - Yoda

Could almost be a quote from the tao te ching eh? Its an interesting idea and consistent with Lao Tzu's writing, if we are calm and aware then we will know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. Wonder if Mr. Lucas ever read it. hmm...

looking forward to episode III...

backs, gardening, squatting and tai chi

just having a break from a spot of gardening. well, potting more like. putting small pot plants in a big pot in other words. odd exercise it is. Both the pots and the plants were on the floor and I was squatting down to do my work and found out a few things. The most interesting for me was a theory of how i hurt my back a while ago and a knowledge that it was still injured. As I was squatting down I was getting uncomfortable after a while and shifting around here and there. I found that I would stretch the tendons in the bottom of my feet in certain positions as I lifted my heel but still had my weight on that foot. I also cut off the circulation to my feet here and there by having my leg bent such that my hamstring muscle rested on my calf muscle. Anyhow I shifted around and eventually stood up and bent down to carry on. My instinct was to support my back by placing my right arm on my right thigh and twist down with my left hand to reach the plants etc. This was apparently bad. Conciously I know this to be true but I guess its a habit I have gotten into. Oddly if I take a wide stance and squat down (horse riding stance), bending my back forwards rather than twisting it is quite strong and this is how I completed my work.
twisting seems like it should be easier and it is for a while, ones back doesn't get as tired. Clearly though it has done me harm. Aligning the body properly however was ok, and even though the injury is still there (it let me know when I twisted) by moving properly it didn't affect me and I made it no worse. I feel like i'm stating the obvious - move properly, look after yourself, twisting your back while moving heavy stuff is bad. It is obvious and yet I had this little habit that I resorted to as I felt a bit tired. I think this goes along the lines of "the path is obvious but it is easier not to follow it".

3rd wudang lesson

Its still proving interesting and challenging. The section on the taichi classics at the taichichuan site is a darned interesting read. I've yet to compare it with the translations that I have but its free and a good guide to taoism and one on one combat.

The art of war and war craft III

well, i was hoping to write a bit using the art of war to analyse a game I am currently playing but time has eluded me. should get time over the weekend tho, so look out for that.

where and what is wudang?

After joining this club I had started to grow concerned that I was learning a small family style. The book I got (see below) states that the wudang style was created by the author and was his form. This is a little worrying as if anything happens where my current teacher is unavailable I won't complete learning this form. I figured I would try to find out a little more and a google search later pointed me to a few interesting sites. In particular taichichuan.co.uk is an excellent resource and has some interesting discussions on the tai chi classics (a series of texts concerning the practice of tai chi) - neat site. Looks like there are plenty of instructors nationwide and around london so my concern is eased.

A bad student

Its late and I'm off to bed soon but thought I'd write a little something. The t'ai chi class today was cool. I had underestimated the teacher and it seems he is quite capable of chucking me about. I still feel that this is a good oppurtunity, the focus in the class is a good balance of form and theory and two person training. As I have already said, this is just what I need. I am pondering taking up more classes in the same school - time and money allowing.

fingers crossed.

Oh, the title - yes, I am a bad student. A student who believes he already knows a great deal on the subject can be very hard to teach.

From reiki to christianity

Ok, did some thinking on the bus this morning about taoist rituals and teaching methods, reiki and possible links to early christianity. To get into this I feel I need to get on paper some of my thoughts that I haven't got round to yet, i.e. I need to write a few essays before getting to the point of my thinking this morning.

I was particularly thinking about my experience with Reiki and how this has deepened my understanding of some of the more esoteric references in taoist literature (and slightly frustrated me). I was introduced to reiki a while ago, one of the t'ai chi students in newhaven had previously practiced it and this was where I heard the name. On and off for a few years I read a little bit here and a little there on the subject and earlier this year came accross this site. Reiki is essentially an energy healing technique from Japan and is only decades old rather than the centuries or millenia of the other arts and practices I have discussed here.

I don't have time to discuss the art in great detail, and arguably I am not qualified to do so. However, there are two bits of interest to me here:

1. The method by which the art is transmitted
2. The way in which the first practitioner acquired this ability

Firstly, it is transmitted not by words but by ritual. The theory goes that a master can give the knowledge to a student and that knowledge and understanding will unfold in the student. The message is passed as energy (as far as my understanding goes) and inserted into the unconcious. Now if we accept that this is possible then this makes sense of a great deal of the taoist practices. Unfortunately this means to get a truely deep understanding of taoist practices I must find a willing teacher/master at some point in my life.
Secondly, the way Usui discovered the art is most interesting. He spent many years in search of a quick way to attain the healing ability accredited to monks who spent many decades in meditation. He like me believed that there was some method by which a person could heal another through touch or some action, and had observed enlightened individuals doing this. After many years he felt that he had failed and went into the wilderness to meditate, intending not to eat and not to come back - an honourable act in those days. After some days he recounts a feeling of a great energy like a ball of light descending into him and feeling his body infused with energy. When he came back from his journey he found that he had discovered what he was looking and could heal people.

I will not go into the full history here as 1. I don't know it and 2. the thingy in my temple is telling me i have sat here too long already, but this event reminds me of a number of similar ones that happened with holy people of the Christian tradition, where God or the Holy Spirit appears as a ball of light and the individual is imbued with special powers or enlightened as a result. Here I betray to you my view that the stories of the tao, of the holy spirit and god all talk about the same phenomenon. This got me thinking about the early christian traditions. There is a point when Jesus becomes aware he will die and calls together his disciples for a last supper. If I were aware that I was about to die and knew of a method to pass on my knowledge and part of myself to my students then I would do just that. If Jesus' power to heal was similar to that of these enlightened people then is this what the last supper did, the wording seems to suggest it? In this way, through repeating this ritual as Christians do so this same energy and knowledge could be passed through the church, providing the person performing the ritual was in line from the early christians or a holy person. The act of blessing and the laying of hands are also acts that occur in all three traditions.

In my youth I turned my back because I did not find the answers there and felt hypocritical repeating the dogma each mass. Could then the christian tradition and the sunday mass which I left behind be a mechanism for passing this knowledge of God in both words and something else? Is this where my mum found the power to heal herself?

Amusing and ironic it will be if my path takes me back to my origins, but in keeping with the nature of things. One cannot see the forest until one leaves it and wanders up a nearby hill.

I think my current path is valid and that the taoist writings and traditions whilst often cryptic feel for me closer to the truth at this time. An odd observation I made on the bus this morning that I wanted to share.


search google for reiki

Opening my head

One of the books i am currently reading is Bruce Frantzis' Opening the Energy Gates of Your Body:... (see the blatant advert below for other titles). I'm finding this to be a very interesting book and it is from here that I am taking most of the guidelines for studying my body and my energy system. I guess I should come clean here. I do believe that there exists something, which the taoists typically refer to as chi, that is capable of healing the body and giving it great vitality. I personally would like to live as long as possible so if there are techniques around for cultivating this energy then it would be in my favour to try them out. This in itself is partly why I have chosen this path.

So, I have made the assumption that there's something to this chi malarky and that chi gung or nei gung can help us develop an awareness of it and control it. I have read a number of books on chi gung and have a few that refer to nei gung, but I feel that this one is the best for me at this time.

One of the key first steps I have come accross is practicing knowing the difference between what one is feeling and what one isn't. I can visualise raising my hand, quite accurately "feeling" the associated sensations - but this is very different to actually moving it and feeling my true hand. If one is looking to study ones body and become more aware of it, then it is important to distinguish real feelings as opposed to things put there by your mind. An important point this one and one that I think applies to all things, see/feel/hear what is really there, not what you want to... A difficult thing I think.

I am currently trying to focus on specific points in my body and become aware of them and their current state - this is an exercise a little way into the book so if you're going to try read up first, such things can be oddly dangerous. According to the book one starts at the top and work down, trying to feel blockages and places where things aren't flowing easily. I have found what I think is quite a significant one near my left temple (not got very far yet). The sensation feels quite real, although I admit my inexperience may be misleading me here. What I can feel is an almost physical pressure, one that grows as I grow tired or spend to much time in front of the screen and diminishes as I relax and particularly if I spend a little time meditating on it. So, I feel that I am taking my first steps (in spite of being at this t'ai chi and chi gung thing for over a decade now) in to my body. I can sense many points around my head that are mentioned and feel this one blockage, others may exist that I am simply not aware of.

I must admit that now I can sense this thing - what ever it is, I am more and more aware of it as time passes (I noticed it about a week ago). If I hadn't read about what I might find I would be quite scared I think, what with tales of mobile phone related harm and all.

I'll continue and write here how I get on.

Another busy couple of days doing things that must be done.
Interesting coincidence - the last two posts. Is there such a thing as coincidence? Perhaps all one has to do is ask...

Off to bed now though.

went to the new tai chi class today. promises to be most interesting. Apparently this is derived from the wu style and i haven't seen this style before. There also seems to be a greater focus on push hands and partner work which is just what I need.

cool

Complete Tai Chi Chuan is a book covering the history of the style.

Watched an amusing film last night - "the bullet proof monk". Basically picked it up because it had sean william scott in and chow yun fat - where can you go wrong? (i forgot to mention the influence jackie chan and bruce lee films have had on me ;) ).

It was quite interesting with chow yun fat playing the enlightened monk quoting from the tao te ching. The quote I'm thinking of is as follows: "to know others is to be wise, to know yourself is to be enlightened". I often let these things wash over me in my youth but never really understood where they were coming from or why they were important to a fighter.

I am starting to get an idea of what is going on here though. There is a process one goes through in order to clear ones mind so that you can know yourself without the clutter of emotions or illusions of the mind getting in the way. This becomes important to a fighter because an enlightened figher uses his* mind to direct his energy and his body as is apropriate. If there are parts of oneself that one is not aware of then these are a liability and may cause a fighter to hesitate, freeze up or have an inapropriate emotional reaction. Only by truely knowing oneself can one have full mastery of oneself and hence achieve excellence as a fighter.

There is, as usual another side to this coin. This is the role that fighting or sparring can have in becoming enlightened. It is all very well saying that one has dealt with their personal demons and have cleared their mind, but sometimes one doesn't know what the pond contains without stirring it up. So sparring can be a way of challenging oneself, ones image of oneself and ones mastery of oneself. I am currently wondering whether I should take up an art that is more focussed on martial applications and sparring as well as t'ai chi to complement my studies.This is not the only way, there are - or so I've read - many thought exercises that one can go through, repeatedly trying to understand oneself more deeply. I shall ponder on it.


* 'he', 'his', etc. used in the sense of impersonal pronoun, not only thinking men here

Another day and its late again.

The thing I wanted to write about yesterday at some length that I'm going to summarise here is "rising to the challenge". This is how it was phrased in a book I'm currently reading and it is given as a quality of the spirit. I found this quite interesting, largely because I have now realised that I have not considered my spirit or spirituality in some time. It sounds strange doesn't it? I claim to read these books and be trying to understand myself and I have neglected something that many hold at their core.

It is particularly interesting here because it is this quality that I have been seeking and feel that I have lost to a degree, and now I tie this up with something I have been neglecting - most interesting. Convenient too, which implies I have assimilated the text into my current situation and understand it in perhaps a narrower way then was intended - but I think thats no bad thing. Hopefully I can adjust my focus and as I come to understand more I will re-read and get more from it.

This is how it has been with my studies of t'ai chi. I practice movements, observe similarities between yang, chen and lee styles and come to understand what I have been doing and what I haven't. Indeed the first move I learnt some 13 years ago now has far more meaning to me now, and back then I was eager to get to the movements where one kicks and punches and pushes and look cool. This first movement however, where one simply raises ones wrists to shoulder height and lowers them back down to hip height, is one of the early steps in shaolin training. Its a chi-gung exercise designed to excite ones energy. Indeed the monks will practice this one move thousands of times for many months before moving on. A simple move that I still cannot claim that I have mastered.

I find as I read and practice (far too infrequently) that I have not yet learnt to walk, I am still coming to know the extent of what I do not know.

My path feels as though there have been many steps back as well as steps forward, perhaps by leaving these pointers along the way I will make more in the right direction and find my path more quickly when I lose it, as I'm sure I have and will from time to time.

As part of the whole me not being mature thing I've spent this evening catching up on chores around the abode. Its getting late and i'm not done. I want to write a big spiel about one of the books I'm reading but it'll have to wait. hmm... Do the important stuff first, eh.

Just read my past few posts. Can imagine anyone reading this apart from myself simply wouldn't know where i was coming from.

I've already had my 15 minutes of fame, I was a baby that shouldn't have survived. See, my mum suffered from multiple sclerosis in her youth and this rendered her immobile at a young age. By some miracle she recovered - slowly, with alot of hard work and faith she has now recovered as near fully as makes no difference. This was a woman who was told she would never walk again and never have children. So, My 15 minutes where I was in newspapers and on the telly were when I was first born. A miracle baby. Christianity, faith in miracles and being in the presence of good people with a great deal of faith were all part of my childhood.

I guess the other early influence was star wars. There are a few generations now who grew up wanting to be a Jedi Knight. To have powers above the rest, to be in tune with the force and given the belief that we are more than what we can see. In the words of Yoda, "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter".

So I have had installed in me a knowledge that we are more than we can see, but I have little idea of the nature of it. I guess this is my story, the path I have taken and will take to find that out.

Faith manages.

I've been thinking about my comment early re: maturity. I looked it up on dictionary.com and got these two interesting definitions:

• Having reached full natural growth or development: a mature cell.


• Having reached a desired or final condition; ripe: a mature cheese.

I think that I am immature in respect to both these definitions in some way. Sure, I've reach a level of physical maturity by the first definition but I don't feel I have developed fully or reached the desired condition.
In order to prove or state this categorically I must define what that level is. At the moment I'm a little confused in my mind as to the distinction of enlightened and mature. For me one is mature when one is by buddhist or taoist definition enlightened. This in itself is not a clear definition for me and one that I will explore here in this blog.
I hope to continue to develop both physically, mentally and spiritually through my studies and practice of the taoist arts - at least for now.
I think that this is what I get from t'ai chi - a sense of developing myself on at least the first two of these levels. From what I have read I will have to take my practice a bit further to develop what one might call my spiritual self.

I hope to pop some names up of books that I'm reading shortly and give some insight into how I have assimilated these thus far.

Woo hoo.
Just discovered that the t'ai chi class is back on at my local gym.

I had an interesting conversation today. It was probably the first time I vocalised some of my thoughts on my current level of maturity and how spoilt I am. I am currently in the enviable position of having sufficient funds and freedom to do largely as I want to. There are demands on my time, things I must do but I do get evenings to my self, time in the mornings and odd days at the weekend with which to please myself.

I recently damaged my back and took some time off work to let it heal. I found that I could sit in front of the computer quite comfortably with the aid of a large scooby-snack shaped cushion and promptly spent my time playing and finishing the campaign in Warcraft III.

I could have spent more of my time reading, as I had intended to but I wanted to play this game and that is what I did. Was this immature? One can take the view that all things are ok in moderation - but then we have to define moderation for that to be effective. However the intuitive mind knows the difference between right and wrong, enough and too much. I know that I did this too much and abused my freedom.

I forget where this statement comes from but it is rather telling I feel -
"The path is clear to all of us, it is simply easy not to follow it."

I know at some level what I am and what I want to become and how to do it, its just easier sometimes to sit down and play games.

As the title of this blog might suggest my principal interest at the minute is the philosophy and practices of the taoist tradition. There are two principal books in taoism - the tao te ching and the I Ching. Sadly the translation of the tao te ching that I have is currently out of date - if you're interested the ISBN is 0850305330.

My interest in taoism stems from my study of t'ai chi on and off for the past decade or so. I would say I am still a beginner in the art and there are whole swathes of stuff I don't understand yet, but as it says in the tao te ching, if one doesn't practice diligently over time, one cannot suddenly understand.

Bizarrely this weeks New Scientist magazine has an article on "Who are you?" and a few articles on personality. I'll have a read methinks.