Thursday, December 25, 2003
woah - been a while
and why?
cos I've been playing spellforce all my spare time. Had to book some time off and well, spent most of my time playing games. managed to complete homeworld 2 a week or two ago - darn fine game that by the way. The I made my way on to spell force.
I guess if warcraft 3 is mostly real time strategy with a spot of role playing game then spell force is mostly role playing game with a spot of real time strategy. So you're there with your principle character walking up to farmers/merchants/etc. and get little quests to run off and do. I must admit doing all these silly things in this game is oddly rewarding.
I guess thats what games are about, being given, facing and overcoming a challenge or two.
Sadly this doesn't take me nearer my goal, but its christmas and i have some time off so for now it will do.
certainly satisfying my inner kid.
cos I've been playing spellforce all my spare time. Had to book some time off and well, spent most of my time playing games. managed to complete homeworld 2 a week or two ago - darn fine game that by the way. The I made my way on to spell force.
I guess if warcraft 3 is mostly real time strategy with a spot of role playing game then spell force is mostly role playing game with a spot of real time strategy. So you're there with your principle character walking up to farmers/merchants/etc. and get little quests to run off and do. I must admit doing all these silly things in this game is oddly rewarding.
I guess thats what games are about, being given, facing and overcoming a challenge or two.
Sadly this doesn't take me nearer my goal, but its christmas and i have some time off so for now it will do.
certainly satisfying my inner kid.
Monday, December 15, 2003
oo, another quote
"What we leave behind is not as important as how we live" - Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek Generations.
so how do you have a positive impact on the world?
Easy, give a homeless person a tenner! At least that kind of makes sense. Makes one persons life a bit better for an evening. Doesn't feel like it qualifies for having a positive impact on the world though. Not really a big deal or a great impact.
There are loads of charities doing just this though. Trying to have a positive impact on the world, making life better for many people. There are many that do good work on an ongoing basis. Supporting these financially on an ongoing basis would be far more effective. Facilitating a small part of a big impact. Every drop raises the ocean as they said in dinotopia ( - classic philosophical source that).
In the new testament Jesus is quoted as saying, "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.". The same topic is covered in the tao te ching, as it talks of how acquisitiveness is generally not a good thing and makes it harder to do the right thing. This is me sat in my house with so many hundred dvds among other things.
Still, small things. I shall look into the whole (tax-free) charitable donating thing in the new year.
There are loads of charities doing just this though. Trying to have a positive impact on the world, making life better for many people. There are many that do good work on an ongoing basis. Supporting these financially on an ongoing basis would be far more effective. Facilitating a small part of a big impact. Every drop raises the ocean as they said in dinotopia ( - classic philosophical source that).
In the new testament Jesus is quoted as saying, "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.". The same topic is covered in the tao te ching, as it talks of how acquisitiveness is generally not a good thing and makes it harder to do the right thing. This is me sat in my house with so many hundred dvds among other things.
Still, small things. I shall look into the whole (tax-free) charitable donating thing in the new year.
Sunday, December 14, 2003
no post for a while
and by crikey there should have been.
In truth I haven't wanted to. A friend of mine posted this in response to my last blog and cleared up his previous question by asking a new one: "what positive impact are you having on the world?"
Indeed this is the crux of what I was getting at in my last post. I finished that with kind of saying, well, if you you are good at heart, do good stuff, then the effect can only be positive. I implied that that was sufficient and walked away happy that I was doing enough. I read this question above and felt that I had lied to myself, a small comfortable lie but the truth is I was not doing enough and this is still the case. Indeed, it seems I do not want to do more. The excuses are plenty - no time, no money, other obligations... In my heart I know that I am not doing enough. This has stopped me sitting here and writing. I knew if I did, then I would have to face this truth.
I am now thinking something that will placate this feeling, but will be another comfortable lie if I do not act on it. My new years resolution this year will be to do something about it. Now being trained as I am in project management, requirements analysis and problem solving I will be able to get around such a wishy washy definition. Perhaps over the next few weeks I'll put some ground rules around that.
Its odd, such a quest requires the definition of doing something that has a positive impact on the world. Theres a question of scale - both in terms of how much of the world and how much of an impact. How does one measure the impact? The other question of course is can any good come of an action I am undertaking because I feel I should do it, rather than a great desire to do it.
Given my previous writings and what I have read desire is most certainly the wrong word. Perhaps a sense of duty is the only place this can come from. Writing about it, as I have pointed out before, is risky though. It means I may be no longer doing it for myself but for my audience - as small as it is. If that becomes the case that would taint my actions - as I have already said in this blog, I must be on guard for that. If anyone does read this and in future months feels I am playing to the audience rather than doing what should be done - shout at me! (an email will be fine though)
In truth I haven't wanted to. A friend of mine posted this in response to my last blog and cleared up his previous question by asking a new one: "what positive impact are you having on the world?"
Indeed this is the crux of what I was getting at in my last post. I finished that with kind of saying, well, if you you are good at heart, do good stuff, then the effect can only be positive. I implied that that was sufficient and walked away happy that I was doing enough. I read this question above and felt that I had lied to myself, a small comfortable lie but the truth is I was not doing enough and this is still the case. Indeed, it seems I do not want to do more. The excuses are plenty - no time, no money, other obligations... In my heart I know that I am not doing enough. This has stopped me sitting here and writing. I knew if I did, then I would have to face this truth.
I am now thinking something that will placate this feeling, but will be another comfortable lie if I do not act on it. My new years resolution this year will be to do something about it. Now being trained as I am in project management, requirements analysis and problem solving I will be able to get around such a wishy washy definition. Perhaps over the next few weeks I'll put some ground rules around that.
Its odd, such a quest requires the definition of doing something that has a positive impact on the world. Theres a question of scale - both in terms of how much of the world and how much of an impact. How does one measure the impact? The other question of course is can any good come of an action I am undertaking because I feel I should do it, rather than a great desire to do it.
Given my previous writings and what I have read desire is most certainly the wrong word. Perhaps a sense of duty is the only place this can come from. Writing about it, as I have pointed out before, is risky though. It means I may be no longer doing it for myself but for my audience - as small as it is. If that becomes the case that would taint my actions - as I have already said in this blog, I must be on guard for that. If anyone does read this and in future months feels I am playing to the audience rather than doing what should be done - shout at me! (an email will be fine though)
Friday, December 12, 2003
that wu-dang class
right, now I'm back in the blogging thing I can write up the class and stuff.
they are so cool, most excellent. I feel I am learning a great deal from attending them and I am being exposed to a much broader cross section of the art than I have before. Last week we did some sabre drills which was fun and the only thing stopping me going out and buying a t'ai chi sabre is the whole christmas/money thing. Great fun.
Also on thursday - 11th. We practiced the first part of the five element arm drill. Essentially this is a series of defends and counters done with one arm. The sequence is with the right arm, right, left, high, low left, low right. Mirrored for the left arm. Theres some foot work too and suspect a lot more subtlety to the arm work. It was most interesting.
Also practiced the nine palace stepping exercise. all good fun.
I'm going to pre-date this to friday which is when I should have posted it - I actually posted it midday sunday.
they are so cool, most excellent. I feel I am learning a great deal from attending them and I am being exposed to a much broader cross section of the art than I have before. Last week we did some sabre drills which was fun and the only thing stopping me going out and buying a t'ai chi sabre is the whole christmas/money thing. Great fun.
Also on thursday - 11th. We practiced the first part of the five element arm drill. Essentially this is a series of defends and counters done with one arm. The sequence is with the right arm, right, left, high, low left, low right. Mirrored for the left arm. Theres some foot work too and suspect a lot more subtlety to the arm work. It was most interesting.
Also practiced the nine palace stepping exercise. all good fun.
I'm going to pre-date this to friday which is when I should have posted it - I actually posted it midday sunday.
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Again, so much to say but...
So little time.
and now, time but nothing to say. I've been thinking a lot about things micro and macro lately. What would a healthy society look like? What is a good company? What role does a good person play in this society? The early taoists, the philosophers were often wise men of state who advised in political and military matters and perhaps it is this path I am stumbling into with my monkey mind...
I live in a capitalist society, ultimately a company is deemed good if it performs well on the stock market - which in turn is determined by its share value, dividends and overall profit. So for a company to perform well, for it to be deemed good in our society it must be both popular and function for a profit, which is then returned to the shareholders.
Is this good for society? A good person is therefore someone who contributes to the shareholder value of a company. This could be achieved by cutting 500 jobs to cut costs - meaning 500 fewer people are contributing to the economy, not getting paid and not spending so much... Its good for the company, but for the economy? For society?
What is good for society? Is it what's good for the individual? Good for most of them?
A friend once asked me, "what will I be remembered for?" An interesting measure of a good person. I like the story of the emperors doctor - a man famous throughout his country, and one day someone asks if he is the best doctor, as he is so famous. He replies that he has two brothers and they are both doctors. He cures people once they are very ill and does this quite effectively. His brother however prevents most of his patients from getting ill and cures most of the rest - he is the better doctor but only known in his principality. His third brother has many patients but none of these get ill. This brother is the best of all, but only known in his town.
Here is a flaw in the "I want to be remembered" approach. Those who are remembered do great things, bring about great change, do something drastic. These are important, but those who do the greatest work, improve the world most, are not seen. Those who ensure things don't get ill aren't remembered, only those that clean up after an problem has already grown too great...
What does all this mean to my earlier question? Truth is I don't know. Where am I going?
Perhaps good can be done to the country, to the company, to ones local community by simply endeavoring to ensure that things go smoothly. This is what Taoism is then. The belief that the future is always moving, but that one can discern change, see what is changing and how - once one understands change, then one can act with it and allow things to progress as they should.
Study how things change - great and small.
and now, time but nothing to say. I've been thinking a lot about things micro and macro lately. What would a healthy society look like? What is a good company? What role does a good person play in this society? The early taoists, the philosophers were often wise men of state who advised in political and military matters and perhaps it is this path I am stumbling into with my monkey mind...
I live in a capitalist society, ultimately a company is deemed good if it performs well on the stock market - which in turn is determined by its share value, dividends and overall profit. So for a company to perform well, for it to be deemed good in our society it must be both popular and function for a profit, which is then returned to the shareholders.
Is this good for society? A good person is therefore someone who contributes to the shareholder value of a company. This could be achieved by cutting 500 jobs to cut costs - meaning 500 fewer people are contributing to the economy, not getting paid and not spending so much... Its good for the company, but for the economy? For society?
What is good for society? Is it what's good for the individual? Good for most of them?
A friend once asked me, "what will I be remembered for?" An interesting measure of a good person. I like the story of the emperors doctor - a man famous throughout his country, and one day someone asks if he is the best doctor, as he is so famous. He replies that he has two brothers and they are both doctors. He cures people once they are very ill and does this quite effectively. His brother however prevents most of his patients from getting ill and cures most of the rest - he is the better doctor but only known in his principality. His third brother has many patients but none of these get ill. This brother is the best of all, but only known in his town.
Here is a flaw in the "I want to be remembered" approach. Those who are remembered do great things, bring about great change, do something drastic. These are important, but those who do the greatest work, improve the world most, are not seen. Those who ensure things don't get ill aren't remembered, only those that clean up after an problem has already grown too great...
What does all this mean to my earlier question? Truth is I don't know. Where am I going?
Perhaps good can be done to the country, to the company, to ones local community by simply endeavoring to ensure that things go smoothly. This is what Taoism is then. The belief that the future is always moving, but that one can discern change, see what is changing and how - once one understands change, then one can act with it and allow things to progress as they should.
Study how things change - great and small.
Thursday, November 27, 2003
Another practical wu-dang class
Attended another class today. Was quite a challenge tearing myself from work to go. The act has benefitted that as well as me, giving me time to think and resolve some of my frustration. Duty is an odd thing.
The class itself was fun. Odd mixing fighting drills and t'ai chi. I am still a poor student though. I am reminded of the story of the philosopher who went to the master to learn from him. The philosopher sits as the master poors his tea - asking questions and talking through what he knows. The master sits silently pouring tea, eventually filling the cup and allowing it to overflow. The philosopher cries out in alarm that the cup is already full. So the master replies "How can I teach you, if your mind is already full?"
So it is with me, I have learnt bits of yang style, lee, chen and read a great deal. I have fought and sparred with wing chun and karate - although I was never adept at the old fighting malarky.
Now I find that in the fighting I fall back to the wing chun drills when I am unsure, I also find myself assimilating knowledge with what I already know, rather than accepting all that is before me, what I am taught. An interesting task, simply learning. Simple yet so hard.
Still, learning I am despite myself. I hope that fortune allows me to continue with the class.
The class itself was fun. Odd mixing fighting drills and t'ai chi. I am still a poor student though. I am reminded of the story of the philosopher who went to the master to learn from him. The philosopher sits as the master poors his tea - asking questions and talking through what he knows. The master sits silently pouring tea, eventually filling the cup and allowing it to overflow. The philosopher cries out in alarm that the cup is already full. So the master replies "How can I teach you, if your mind is already full?"
So it is with me, I have learnt bits of yang style, lee, chen and read a great deal. I have fought and sparred with wing chun and karate - although I was never adept at the old fighting malarky.
Now I find that in the fighting I fall back to the wing chun drills when I am unsure, I also find myself assimilating knowledge with what I already know, rather than accepting all that is before me, what I am taught. An interesting task, simply learning. Simple yet so hard.
Still, learning I am despite myself. I hope that fortune allows me to continue with the class.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Zen, Buddhism, Confucianism and Taoism...
As with any philosophy and group of people that are together at a time, all influenced each other. As with stories, ideas, any thing that can be passed from one to another, people take what is pertinent, fit for purpose, useful and combine all these into ones being. The writings of a philosopher is a view on this I guess. A two dimensional picture seen at a certain time.
Taoism it seems is quite neutral, or was. The influence of other philosophies introduced the idea that the Tao, the common consciousness is benevolent.
Not sure where I'm going with this. I am just wondering about the source of right and wrong, its definition. What makes a good person? What makes a good culture? A good nation? A good entity? What makes a thing an entity?
Confucianism is quite close to something I dislike. I don't know it well enough to really comment, but when has that ever stopped an English man. It seems like a set of rules, a code of conduct, something that on the face of it is where Christianity is today. Perhaps this is what people see of Christianity these days, not the mystical/spiritual side of the religion. Perhaps this is how Confucianism complemented Taoism. From what I have read it looks like zen strengthened the ideas around the development of the mind and the diminishing of ones desires. Taoism was initially most interested in longevity and immortality and concerned itself with changing and strengthening the body.
I must find out about the wisdom out there, come up with my own philosophy. I like the idea that if we clear our mind, our ego - then what is left knows the difference between right and wrong. This is hard to prove I suspect, although so many people can't be too far off wrong. The major sticking point is that I don't really want to rid myself of my desires. How does one tell the difference between right, wrong and desire???
Practice I think...
Taoism it seems is quite neutral, or was. The influence of other philosophies introduced the idea that the Tao, the common consciousness is benevolent.
Not sure where I'm going with this. I am just wondering about the source of right and wrong, its definition. What makes a good person? What makes a good culture? A good nation? A good entity? What makes a thing an entity?
Confucianism is quite close to something I dislike. I don't know it well enough to really comment, but when has that ever stopped an English man. It seems like a set of rules, a code of conduct, something that on the face of it is where Christianity is today. Perhaps this is what people see of Christianity these days, not the mystical/spiritual side of the religion. Perhaps this is how Confucianism complemented Taoism. From what I have read it looks like zen strengthened the ideas around the development of the mind and the diminishing of ones desires. Taoism was initially most interested in longevity and immortality and concerned itself with changing and strengthening the body.
I must find out about the wisdom out there, come up with my own philosophy. I like the idea that if we clear our mind, our ego - then what is left knows the difference between right and wrong. This is hard to prove I suspect, although so many people can't be too far off wrong. The major sticking point is that I don't really want to rid myself of my desires. How does one tell the difference between right, wrong and desire???
Practice I think...
Friday, November 21, 2003
T'ai chi class with fighting drills etc.
Great fun throwing people around and getting chucked about.
The practical Wudang class out of town was worth the journey.
The practical Wudang class out of town was worth the journey.
history of taoism and stuff
It is quite an interesting book. Quite bizarre how the philosophy has been turned into a variety of texts. One thing I found quite odd is the adoption by the 'taoist' community of the study of longevity. I think this goes to show the range and number of influences on taoism and the taoist practitioners. Taoist alchemy is well known area and used in the martial arts and arts of longevity. This is based on cultivating internal energy and using it to alter ones mind, body and spirit.
This however, seems inconsistent with quelling ones desires and living in a non-acquisitive way. However that sentiment comes from the karmic and action sects of the taoist tradition. Where does modern taoism come from?
Interesting book - thoroughly recommend it.
This however, seems inconsistent with quelling ones desires and living in a non-acquisitive way. However that sentiment comes from the karmic and action sects of the taoist tradition. Where does modern taoism come from?
Interesting book - thoroughly recommend it.
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Taoism n' stuff
just reading eva wongs book on the history of taoism. Have a look here. Not sure what to make of it all yet, although it is an interesting book. I'm certainly more interested in the philosophy rather than the religon although the shamanic side is interesting.
Could shamans talk to animals? That would be handy. seems unlikely to me though. hmm... could one intuit what an animal is thinking/wants? i guess thats plausible. hmm.. proof would only come by experience i guess.
Haven't got to t'ai chi yet. There are references to taoist yoga-like movements, which interests me immensely. I practiced some of these when studying lee style at the croydon buddhist centre. I could find no texts on these at the time and since joined the wudang school.
I wonder if what they share with yoga and/or pilates if anything. hmm....
Could shamans talk to animals? That would be handy. seems unlikely to me though. hmm... could one intuit what an animal is thinking/wants? i guess thats plausible. hmm.. proof would only come by experience i guess.
Haven't got to t'ai chi yet. There are references to taoist yoga-like movements, which interests me immensely. I practiced some of these when studying lee style at the croydon buddhist centre. I could find no texts on these at the time and since joined the wudang school.
I wonder if what they share with yoga and/or pilates if anything. hmm....
Sunday, November 09, 2003
Wicca fest
Today I visited witch fest as a couple of pagan friends came to visit. It was an odd event for me, quite different. Nice to see so many people not quite conforming to the normal view of how one should look. Haven't seen quite such a display since my university days I suspect.
There were a few things that interested me there. One in particular was a workshop on moving magic. Looking at it from my perspective (i.e. not with my head being completely empty) it seemed like a bit of group energy work, with bits and pieces in common with all energy working practices. An interesting observation and odd to see this idea of some "energy" tied up with ritual practices (by that I mean following some sort of order).
However this wasn't struck me most. The big part that struck was that watching this I saw people of many generations, different backgrounds all working together, having fun and laughing with each other. Rarely have I seen teenagers having fun with older folk in modern english society and actually wanting to be there and contribute. If nothing else I like some of these practices for their greater sense of community.
I am personally still unwilling to commit myself to a religon as yet, though so its unlikely this blog will turn to paganism. The day brought me an interesting insight though.
There were a few things that interested me there. One in particular was a workshop on moving magic. Looking at it from my perspective (i.e. not with my head being completely empty) it seemed like a bit of group energy work, with bits and pieces in common with all energy working practices. An interesting observation and odd to see this idea of some "energy" tied up with ritual practices (by that I mean following some sort of order).
However this wasn't struck me most. The big part that struck was that watching this I saw people of many generations, different backgrounds all working together, having fun and laughing with each other. Rarely have I seen teenagers having fun with older folk in modern english society and actually wanting to be there and contribute. If nothing else I like some of these practices for their greater sense of community.
I am personally still unwilling to commit myself to a religon as yet, though so its unlikely this blog will turn to paganism. The day brought me an interesting insight though.
Friday, November 07, 2003
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Reiki 2
I recently did the reiki one course to essentially see what this was all about. I note now that the reiki 2 course (i.e. practitioner level) is available and I would like to attend. However it is a considerable amount of money, especially this close to christmas so I fear it will wait till the new year.
If you're interested the guy who taught me reiki 1 has a website at www.reiju.me.uk.
An interesting art.
If you're interested the guy who taught me reiki 1 has a website at www.reiju.me.uk.
An interesting art.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Zen tea ceremony
My other half got me a text on the Japanese Zen tea ceremony. This is something that has intrigued me for some time so I look forward to flicking through the pages.
Monday, October 27, 2003
Round form wudang
Round form is cool, it feels much more flowing than the yang style forms - perhaps an indication I was doing those incorrectly. I do strongly recommend Dan's book though. A very good read although I should state it doesn't cover the round form.
commuting
I spent the last week commuting to and from london. Typically only a 40/50 minute journey each way but it certainly was enough to change me. I found that I became very competitive about getting a seat on the train, to the point of almost getting one in front of an elderly gentleman walking with the aid of a walking stick. Madness, I'm 27 and reasonable young and fit, I don't need a seat but the mentality of the crowd almost seemed to be survival of the fittest, first come first served.
It took me a day I think to lose my sense of chivalry and a few moments to snap back to my senses and not follow the crowd and try to do what I thought was right, even in this small way. I don't know when I lost my sense of perspective, probably when someone jumped ahead in a queue. A seat isn't very important though. What a difference to those journeys it would have been if only half those travelling were more polite and less worried about getting where they were going (in a seat).
It took me a day I think to lose my sense of chivalry and a few moments to snap back to my senses and not follow the crowd and try to do what I thought was right, even in this small way. I don't know when I lost my sense of perspective, probably when someone jumped ahead in a queue. A seat isn't very important though. What a difference to those journeys it would have been if only half those travelling were more polite and less worried about getting where they were going (in a seat).
Friday, October 24, 2003
Dead like me
Just thought i'd pop a quick post up about Dead like me. A great show that looks at all bits of life from the point of view of someone who's died. Odd idea, but a different point of view often leads to simple insights.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
been a while since posting
much there has been to do. missed last weeks wudang lesson but hope to go to the 2 hour one in carshalton tomorrow. that reminds me - better get my bits together for that.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Who am I if my knowledge of right and wrong comes elsewhere?
This is an odd question that popped into my mind a while ago. Where does freedom of thought and expression and personal choice come in where one believes that one can enter a state of mind which dictates right from wrong?
I think however that this is an immature view of something I do not yet understand. Most of the processes around achieving enlightenment etc. seem to be about clearing out the old impure (for want of a better word) thoughts so that one can think clearly from ones core/true being. Thus, one is less influenced by fear and adverse experiences of the past and one can observe now with clear eyes. In such a state I imagine it is quite obvious what must or should be done - its only fear and self delusion that hides this or prevents us from taking that path.
Could one interpretation of the tao in this context be used to mean that which is our true being? hmm...
I think however that this is an immature view of something I do not yet understand. Most of the processes around achieving enlightenment etc. seem to be about clearing out the old impure (for want of a better word) thoughts so that one can think clearly from ones core/true being. Thus, one is less influenced by fear and adverse experiences of the past and one can observe now with clear eyes. In such a state I imagine it is quite obvious what must or should be done - its only fear and self delusion that hides this or prevents us from taking that path.
Could one interpretation of the tao in this context be used to mean that which is our true being? hmm...
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
The Force and the Tao
"You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack." - Yoda
Could almost be a quote from the tao te ching eh? Its an interesting idea and consistent with Lao Tzu's writing, if we are calm and aware then we will know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. Wonder if Mr. Lucas ever read it. hmm...
looking forward to episode III...
Could almost be a quote from the tao te ching eh? Its an interesting idea and consistent with Lao Tzu's writing, if we are calm and aware then we will know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. Wonder if Mr. Lucas ever read it. hmm...
looking forward to episode III...
Saturday, October 11, 2003
backs, gardening, squatting and tai chi
just having a break from a spot of gardening. well, potting more like. putting small pot plants in a big pot in other words. odd exercise it is. Both the pots and the plants were on the floor and I was squatting down to do my work and found out a few things. The most interesting for me was a theory of how i hurt my back a while ago and a knowledge that it was still injured. As I was squatting down I was getting uncomfortable after a while and shifting around here and there. I found that I would stretch the tendons in the bottom of my feet in certain positions as I lifted my heel but still had my weight on that foot. I also cut off the circulation to my feet here and there by having my leg bent such that my hamstring muscle rested on my calf muscle. Anyhow I shifted around and eventually stood up and bent down to carry on. My instinct was to support my back by placing my right arm on my right thigh and twist down with my left hand to reach the plants etc. This was apparently bad. Conciously I know this to be true but I guess its a habit I have gotten into. Oddly if I take a wide stance and squat down (horse riding stance), bending my back forwards rather than twisting it is quite strong and this is how I completed my work.
twisting seems like it should be easier and it is for a while, ones back doesn't get as tired. Clearly though it has done me harm. Aligning the body properly however was ok, and even though the injury is still there (it let me know when I twisted) by moving properly it didn't affect me and I made it no worse. I feel like i'm stating the obvious - move properly, look after yourself, twisting your back while moving heavy stuff is bad. It is obvious and yet I had this little habit that I resorted to as I felt a bit tired. I think this goes along the lines of "the path is obvious but it is easier not to follow it".
twisting seems like it should be easier and it is for a while, ones back doesn't get as tired. Clearly though it has done me harm. Aligning the body properly however was ok, and even though the injury is still there (it let me know when I twisted) by moving properly it didn't affect me and I made it no worse. I feel like i'm stating the obvious - move properly, look after yourself, twisting your back while moving heavy stuff is bad. It is obvious and yet I had this little habit that I resorted to as I felt a bit tired. I think this goes along the lines of "the path is obvious but it is easier not to follow it".
3rd wudang lesson
Its still proving interesting and challenging. The section on the taichi classics at the taichichuan site is a darned interesting read. I've yet to compare it with the translations that I have but its free and a good guide to taoism and one on one combat.
The art of war and war craft III
well, i was hoping to write a bit using the art of war to analyse a game I am currently playing but time has eluded me. should get time over the weekend tho, so look out for that.
Monday, October 06, 2003
where and what is wudang?
After joining this club I had started to grow concerned that I was learning a small family style. The book I got (see below) states that the wudang style was created by the author and was his form. This is a little worrying as if anything happens where my current teacher is unavailable I won't complete learning this form. I figured I would try to find out a little more and a google search later pointed me to a few interesting sites. In particular taichichuan.co.uk is an excellent resource and has some interesting discussions on the tai chi classics (a series of texts concerning the practice of tai chi) - neat site. Looks like there are plenty of instructors nationwide and around london so my concern is eased.
Saturday, October 04, 2003
A bad student
Its late and I'm off to bed soon but thought I'd write a little something. The t'ai chi class today was cool. I had underestimated the teacher and it seems he is quite capable of chucking me about. I still feel that this is a good oppurtunity, the focus in the class is a good balance of form and theory and two person training. As I have already said, this is just what I need. I am pondering taking up more classes in the same school - time and money allowing.
fingers crossed.
Oh, the title - yes, I am a bad student. A student who believes he already knows a great deal on the subject can be very hard to teach.
fingers crossed.
Oh, the title - yes, I am a bad student. A student who believes he already knows a great deal on the subject can be very hard to teach.
Thursday, October 02, 2003
From reiki to christianity
Ok, did some thinking on the bus this morning about taoist rituals and teaching methods, reiki and possible links to early christianity. To get into this I feel I need to get on paper some of my thoughts that I haven't got round to yet, i.e. I need to write a few essays before getting to the point of my thinking this morning.
I was particularly thinking about my experience with Reiki and how this has deepened my understanding of some of the more esoteric references in taoist literature (and slightly frustrated me). I was introduced to reiki a while ago, one of the t'ai chi students in newhaven had previously practiced it and this was where I heard the name. On and off for a few years I read a little bit here and a little there on the subject and earlier this year came accross this site. Reiki is essentially an energy healing technique from Japan and is only decades old rather than the centuries or millenia of the other arts and practices I have discussed here.
I don't have time to discuss the art in great detail, and arguably I am not qualified to do so. However, there are two bits of interest to me here:
Firstly, it is transmitted not by words but by ritual. The theory goes that a master can give the knowledge to a student and that knowledge and understanding will unfold in the student. The message is passed as energy (as far as my understanding goes) and inserted into the unconcious. Now if we accept that this is possible then this makes sense of a great deal of the taoist practices. Unfortunately this means to get a truely deep understanding of taoist practices I must find a willing teacher/master at some point in my life.
Secondly, the way Usui discovered the art is most interesting. He spent many years in search of a quick way to attain the healing ability accredited to monks who spent many decades in meditation. He like me believed that there was some method by which a person could heal another through touch or some action, and had observed enlightened individuals doing this. After many years he felt that he had failed and went into the wilderness to meditate, intending not to eat and not to come back - an honourable act in those days. After some days he recounts a feeling of a great energy like a ball of light descending into him and feeling his body infused with energy. When he came back from his journey he found that he had discovered what he was looking and could heal people.
I will not go into the full history here as 1. I don't know it and 2. the thingy in my temple is telling me i have sat here too long already, but this event reminds me of a number of similar ones that happened with holy people of the Christian tradition, where God or the Holy Spirit appears as a ball of light and the individual is imbued with special powers or enlightened as a result. Here I betray to you my view that the stories of the tao, of the holy spirit and god all talk about the same phenomenon. This got me thinking about the early christian traditions. There is a point when Jesus becomes aware he will die and calls together his disciples for a last supper. If I were aware that I was about to die and knew of a method to pass on my knowledge and part of myself to my students then I would do just that. If Jesus' power to heal was similar to that of these enlightened people then is this what the last supper did, the wording seems to suggest it? In this way, through repeating this ritual as Christians do so this same energy and knowledge could be passed through the church, providing the person performing the ritual was in line from the early christians or a holy person. The act of blessing and the laying of hands are also acts that occur in all three traditions.
In my youth I turned my back because I did not find the answers there and felt hypocritical repeating the dogma each mass. Could then the christian tradition and the sunday mass which I left behind be a mechanism for passing this knowledge of God in both words and something else? Is this where my mum found the power to heal herself?
Amusing and ironic it will be if my path takes me back to my origins, but in keeping with the nature of things. One cannot see the forest until one leaves it and wanders up a nearby hill.
I think my current path is valid and that the taoist writings and traditions whilst often cryptic feel for me closer to the truth at this time. An odd observation I made on the bus this morning that I wanted to share.
search google for reiki
I was particularly thinking about my experience with Reiki and how this has deepened my understanding of some of the more esoteric references in taoist literature (and slightly frustrated me). I was introduced to reiki a while ago, one of the t'ai chi students in newhaven had previously practiced it and this was where I heard the name. On and off for a few years I read a little bit here and a little there on the subject and earlier this year came accross this site. Reiki is essentially an energy healing technique from Japan and is only decades old rather than the centuries or millenia of the other arts and practices I have discussed here.
I don't have time to discuss the art in great detail, and arguably I am not qualified to do so. However, there are two bits of interest to me here:
- The method by which the art is transmitted
- The way in which the first practitioner acquired this ability
Firstly, it is transmitted not by words but by ritual. The theory goes that a master can give the knowledge to a student and that knowledge and understanding will unfold in the student. The message is passed as energy (as far as my understanding goes) and inserted into the unconcious. Now if we accept that this is possible then this makes sense of a great deal of the taoist practices. Unfortunately this means to get a truely deep understanding of taoist practices I must find a willing teacher/master at some point in my life.
Secondly, the way Usui discovered the art is most interesting. He spent many years in search of a quick way to attain the healing ability accredited to monks who spent many decades in meditation. He like me believed that there was some method by which a person could heal another through touch or some action, and had observed enlightened individuals doing this. After many years he felt that he had failed and went into the wilderness to meditate, intending not to eat and not to come back - an honourable act in those days. After some days he recounts a feeling of a great energy like a ball of light descending into him and feeling his body infused with energy. When he came back from his journey he found that he had discovered what he was looking and could heal people.
I will not go into the full history here as 1. I don't know it and 2. the thingy in my temple is telling me i have sat here too long already, but this event reminds me of a number of similar ones that happened with holy people of the Christian tradition, where God or the Holy Spirit appears as a ball of light and the individual is imbued with special powers or enlightened as a result. Here I betray to you my view that the stories of the tao, of the holy spirit and god all talk about the same phenomenon. This got me thinking about the early christian traditions. There is a point when Jesus becomes aware he will die and calls together his disciples for a last supper. If I were aware that I was about to die and knew of a method to pass on my knowledge and part of myself to my students then I would do just that. If Jesus' power to heal was similar to that of these enlightened people then is this what the last supper did, the wording seems to suggest it? In this way, through repeating this ritual as Christians do so this same energy and knowledge could be passed through the church, providing the person performing the ritual was in line from the early christians or a holy person. The act of blessing and the laying of hands are also acts that occur in all three traditions.
In my youth I turned my back because I did not find the answers there and felt hypocritical repeating the dogma each mass. Could then the christian tradition and the sunday mass which I left behind be a mechanism for passing this knowledge of God in both words and something else? Is this where my mum found the power to heal herself?
Amusing and ironic it will be if my path takes me back to my origins, but in keeping with the nature of things. One cannot see the forest until one leaves it and wanders up a nearby hill.
I think my current path is valid and that the taoist writings and traditions whilst often cryptic feel for me closer to the truth at this time. An odd observation I made on the bus this morning that I wanted to share.
search google for reiki
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Opening my head
One of the books i am currently reading is Bruce Frantzis' Opening the Energy Gates of Your Body:... (see the blatant advert below for other titles). I'm finding this to be a very interesting book and it is from here that I am taking most of the guidelines for studying my body and my energy system. I guess I should come clean here. I do believe that there exists something, which the taoists typically refer to as chi, that is capable of healing the body and giving it great vitality. I personally would like to live as long as possible so if there are techniques around for cultivating this energy then it would be in my favour to try them out. This in itself is partly why I have chosen this path.
So, I have made the assumption that there's something to this chi malarky and that chi gung or nei gung can help us develop an awareness of it and control it. I have read a number of books on chi gung and have a few that refer to nei gung, but I feel that this one is the best for me at this time.
One of the key first steps I have come accross is practicing knowing the difference between what one is feeling and what one isn't. I can visualise raising my hand, quite accurately "feeling" the associated sensations - but this is very different to actually moving it and feeling my true hand. If one is looking to study ones body and become more aware of it, then it is important to distinguish real feelings as opposed to things put there by your mind. An important point this one and one that I think applies to all things, see/feel/hear what is really there, not what you want to... A difficult thing I think.
I am currently trying to focus on specific points in my body and become aware of them and their current state - this is an exercise a little way into the book so if you're going to try read up first, such things can be oddly dangerous. According to the book one starts at the top and work down, trying to feel blockages and places where things aren't flowing easily. I have found what I think is quite a significant one near my left temple (not got very far yet). The sensation feels quite real, although I admit my inexperience may be misleading me here. What I can feel is an almost physical pressure, one that grows as I grow tired or spend to much time in front of the screen and diminishes as I relax and particularly if I spend a little time meditating on it. So, I feel that I am taking my first steps (in spite of being at this t'ai chi and chi gung thing for over a decade now) in to my body. I can sense many points around my head that are mentioned and feel this one blockage, others may exist that I am simply not aware of.
I must admit that now I can sense this thing - what ever it is, I am more and more aware of it as time passes (I noticed it about a week ago). If I hadn't read about what I might find I would be quite scared I think, what with tales of mobile phone related harm and all.
I'll continue and write here how I get on.
So, I have made the assumption that there's something to this chi malarky and that chi gung or nei gung can help us develop an awareness of it and control it. I have read a number of books on chi gung and have a few that refer to nei gung, but I feel that this one is the best for me at this time.
One of the key first steps I have come accross is practicing knowing the difference between what one is feeling and what one isn't. I can visualise raising my hand, quite accurately "feeling" the associated sensations - but this is very different to actually moving it and feeling my true hand. If one is looking to study ones body and become more aware of it, then it is important to distinguish real feelings as opposed to things put there by your mind. An important point this one and one that I think applies to all things, see/feel/hear what is really there, not what you want to... A difficult thing I think.
I am currently trying to focus on specific points in my body and become aware of them and their current state - this is an exercise a little way into the book so if you're going to try read up first, such things can be oddly dangerous. According to the book one starts at the top and work down, trying to feel blockages and places where things aren't flowing easily. I have found what I think is quite a significant one near my left temple (not got very far yet). The sensation feels quite real, although I admit my inexperience may be misleading me here. What I can feel is an almost physical pressure, one that grows as I grow tired or spend to much time in front of the screen and diminishes as I relax and particularly if I spend a little time meditating on it. So, I feel that I am taking my first steps (in spite of being at this t'ai chi and chi gung thing for over a decade now) in to my body. I can sense many points around my head that are mentioned and feel this one blockage, others may exist that I am simply not aware of.
I must admit that now I can sense this thing - what ever it is, I am more and more aware of it as time passes (I noticed it about a week ago). If I hadn't read about what I might find I would be quite scared I think, what with tales of mobile phone related harm and all.
I'll continue and write here how I get on.
Monday, September 29, 2003
Saturday, September 27, 2003
went to the new tai chi class today. promises to be most interesting. Apparently this is derived from the wu style and i haven't seen this style before. There also seems to be a greater focus on push hands and partner work which is just what I need.
cool
Complete Tai Chi Chuan is a book covering the history of the style.
cool
Complete Tai Chi Chuan is a book covering the history of the style.
Friday, September 26, 2003
Watched an amusing film last night - "the bullet proof monk". Basically picked it up because it had sean william scott in and chow yun fat - where can you go wrong? (i forgot to mention the influence jackie chan and bruce lee films have had on me ;) ).
It was quite interesting with chow yun fat playing the enlightened monk quoting from the tao te ching. The quote I'm thinking of is as follows: "to know others is to be wise, to know yourself is to be enlightened". I often let these things wash over me in my youth but never really understood where they were coming from or why they were important to a fighter.
I am starting to get an idea of what is going on here though. There is a process one goes through in order to clear ones mind so that you can know yourself without the clutter of emotions or illusions of the mind getting in the way. This becomes important to a fighter because an enlightened figher uses his* mind to direct his energy and his body as is apropriate. If there are parts of oneself that one is not aware of then these are a liability and may cause a fighter to hesitate, freeze up or have an inapropriate emotional reaction. Only by truely knowing oneself can one have full mastery of oneself and hence achieve excellence as a fighter.
There is, as usual another side to this coin. This is the role that fighting or sparring can have in becoming enlightened. It is all very well saying that one has dealt with their personal demons and have cleared their mind, but sometimes one doesn't know what the pond contains without stirring it up. So sparring can be a way of challenging oneself, ones image of oneself and ones mastery of oneself. I am currently wondering whether I should take up an art that is more focussed on martial applications and sparring as well as t'ai chi to complement my studies.This is not the only way, there are - or so I've read - many thought exercises that one can go through, repeatedly trying to understand oneself more deeply. I shall ponder on it.
* 'he', 'his', etc. used in the sense of impersonal pronoun, not only thinking men here
It was quite interesting with chow yun fat playing the enlightened monk quoting from the tao te ching. The quote I'm thinking of is as follows: "to know others is to be wise, to know yourself is to be enlightened". I often let these things wash over me in my youth but never really understood where they were coming from or why they were important to a fighter.
I am starting to get an idea of what is going on here though. There is a process one goes through in order to clear ones mind so that you can know yourself without the clutter of emotions or illusions of the mind getting in the way. This becomes important to a fighter because an enlightened figher uses his* mind to direct his energy and his body as is apropriate. If there are parts of oneself that one is not aware of then these are a liability and may cause a fighter to hesitate, freeze up or have an inapropriate emotional reaction. Only by truely knowing oneself can one have full mastery of oneself and hence achieve excellence as a fighter.
There is, as usual another side to this coin. This is the role that fighting or sparring can have in becoming enlightened. It is all very well saying that one has dealt with their personal demons and have cleared their mind, but sometimes one doesn't know what the pond contains without stirring it up. So sparring can be a way of challenging oneself, ones image of oneself and ones mastery of oneself. I am currently wondering whether I should take up an art that is more focussed on martial applications and sparring as well as t'ai chi to complement my studies.This is not the only way, there are - or so I've read - many thought exercises that one can go through, repeatedly trying to understand oneself more deeply. I shall ponder on it.
* 'he', 'his', etc. used in the sense of impersonal pronoun, not only thinking men here
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Another day and its late again.
The thing I wanted to write about yesterday at some length that I'm going to summarise here is "rising to the challenge". This is how it was phrased in a book I'm currently reading and it is given as a quality of the spirit. I found this quite interesting, largely because I have now realised that I have not considered my spirit or spirituality in some time. It sounds strange doesn't it? I claim to read these books and be trying to understand myself and I have neglected something that many hold at their core.
It is particularly interesting here because it is this quality that I have been seeking and feel that I have lost to a degree, and now I tie this up with something I have been neglecting - most interesting. Convenient too, which implies I have assimilated the text into my current situation and understand it in perhaps a narrower way then was intended - but I think thats no bad thing. Hopefully I can adjust my focus and as I come to understand more I will re-read and get more from it.
This is how it has been with my studies of t'ai chi. I practice movements, observe similarities between yang, chen and lee styles and come to understand what I have been doing and what I haven't. Indeed the first move I learnt some 13 years ago now has far more meaning to me now, and back then I was eager to get to the movements where one kicks and punches and pushes and look cool. This first movement however, where one simply raises ones wrists to shoulder height and lowers them back down to hip height, is one of the early steps in shaolin training. Its a chi-gung exercise designed to excite ones energy. Indeed the monks will practice this one move thousands of times for many months before moving on. A simple move that I still cannot claim that I have mastered.
I find as I read and practice (far too infrequently) that I have not yet learnt to walk, I am still coming to know the extent of what I do not know.
My path feels as though there have been many steps back as well as steps forward, perhaps by leaving these pointers along the way I will make more in the right direction and find my path more quickly when I lose it, as I'm sure I have and will from time to time.
The thing I wanted to write about yesterday at some length that I'm going to summarise here is "rising to the challenge". This is how it was phrased in a book I'm currently reading and it is given as a quality of the spirit. I found this quite interesting, largely because I have now realised that I have not considered my spirit or spirituality in some time. It sounds strange doesn't it? I claim to read these books and be trying to understand myself and I have neglected something that many hold at their core.
It is particularly interesting here because it is this quality that I have been seeking and feel that I have lost to a degree, and now I tie this up with something I have been neglecting - most interesting. Convenient too, which implies I have assimilated the text into my current situation and understand it in perhaps a narrower way then was intended - but I think thats no bad thing. Hopefully I can adjust my focus and as I come to understand more I will re-read and get more from it.
This is how it has been with my studies of t'ai chi. I practice movements, observe similarities between yang, chen and lee styles and come to understand what I have been doing and what I haven't. Indeed the first move I learnt some 13 years ago now has far more meaning to me now, and back then I was eager to get to the movements where one kicks and punches and pushes and look cool. This first movement however, where one simply raises ones wrists to shoulder height and lowers them back down to hip height, is one of the early steps in shaolin training. Its a chi-gung exercise designed to excite ones energy. Indeed the monks will practice this one move thousands of times for many months before moving on. A simple move that I still cannot claim that I have mastered.
I find as I read and practice (far too infrequently) that I have not yet learnt to walk, I am still coming to know the extent of what I do not know.
My path feels as though there have been many steps back as well as steps forward, perhaps by leaving these pointers along the way I will make more in the right direction and find my path more quickly when I lose it, as I'm sure I have and will from time to time.
Monday, September 22, 2003
Saturday, September 20, 2003
Just read my past few posts. Can imagine anyone reading this apart from myself simply wouldn't know where i was coming from.
I've already had my 15 minutes of fame, I was a baby that shouldn't have survived. See, my mum suffered from multiple sclerosis in her youth and this rendered her immobile at a young age. By some miracle she recovered - slowly, with alot of hard work and faith she has now recovered as near fully as makes no difference. This was a woman who was told she would never walk again and never have children. So, My 15 minutes where I was in newspapers and on the telly were when I was first born. A miracle baby. Christianity, faith in miracles and being in the presence of good people with a great deal of faith were all part of my childhood.
I guess the other early influence was star wars. There are a few generations now who grew up wanting to be a Jedi Knight. To have powers above the rest, to be in tune with the force and given the belief that we are more than what we can see. In the words of Yoda, "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter".
So I have had installed in me a knowledge that we are more than we can see, but I have little idea of the nature of it. I guess this is my story, the path I have taken and will take to find that out.
Faith manages.
I've already had my 15 minutes of fame, I was a baby that shouldn't have survived. See, my mum suffered from multiple sclerosis in her youth and this rendered her immobile at a young age. By some miracle she recovered - slowly, with alot of hard work and faith she has now recovered as near fully as makes no difference. This was a woman who was told she would never walk again and never have children. So, My 15 minutes where I was in newspapers and on the telly were when I was first born. A miracle baby. Christianity, faith in miracles and being in the presence of good people with a great deal of faith were all part of my childhood.
I guess the other early influence was star wars. There are a few generations now who grew up wanting to be a Jedi Knight. To have powers above the rest, to be in tune with the force and given the belief that we are more than what we can see. In the words of Yoda, "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter".
So I have had installed in me a knowledge that we are more than we can see, but I have little idea of the nature of it. I guess this is my story, the path I have taken and will take to find that out.
Faith manages.
Friday, September 19, 2003
I've been thinking about my comment early re: maturity. I looked it up on dictionary.com and got these two interesting definitions:
In order to prove or state this categorically I must define what that level is. At the moment I'm a little confused in my mind as to the distinction of enlightened and mature. For me one is mature when one is by buddhist or taoist definition enlightened. This in itself is not a clear definition for me and one that I will explore here in this blog.
I hope to continue to develop both physically, mentally and spiritually through my studies and practice of the taoist arts - at least for now.
I think that this is what I get from t'ai chi - a sense of developing myself on at least the first two of these levels. From what I have read I will have to take my practice a bit further to develop what one might call my spiritual self.
I hope to pop some names up of books that I'm reading shortly and give some insight into how I have assimilated these thus far.
- Having reached full natural growth or development: a mature cell.
- Having reached a desired or final condition; ripe: a mature cheese.
In order to prove or state this categorically I must define what that level is. At the moment I'm a little confused in my mind as to the distinction of enlightened and mature. For me one is mature when one is by buddhist or taoist definition enlightened. This in itself is not a clear definition for me and one that I will explore here in this blog.
I hope to continue to develop both physically, mentally and spiritually through my studies and practice of the taoist arts - at least for now.
I think that this is what I get from t'ai chi - a sense of developing myself on at least the first two of these levels. From what I have read I will have to take my practice a bit further to develop what one might call my spiritual self.
I hope to pop some names up of books that I'm reading shortly and give some insight into how I have assimilated these thus far.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
I had an interesting conversation today. It was probably the first time I vocalised some of my thoughts on my current level of maturity and how spoilt I am. I am currently in the enviable position of having sufficient funds and freedom to do largely as I want to. There are demands on my time, things I must do but I do get evenings to my self, time in the mornings and odd days at the weekend with which to please myself.
I recently damaged my back and took some time off work to let it heal. I found that I could sit in front of the computer quite comfortably with the aid of a large scooby-snack shaped cushion and promptly spent my time playing and finishing the campaign in Warcraft III.
I could have spent more of my time reading, as I had intended to but I wanted to play this game and that is what I did. Was this immature? One can take the view that all things are ok in moderation - but then we have to define moderation for that to be effective. However the intuitive mind knows the difference between right and wrong, enough and too much. I know that I did this too much and abused my freedom.
I forget where this statement comes from but it is rather telling I feel -
"The path is clear to all of us, it is simply easy not to follow it."
I know at some level what I am and what I want to become and how to do it, its just easier sometimes to sit down and play games.
I recently damaged my back and took some time off work to let it heal. I found that I could sit in front of the computer quite comfortably with the aid of a large scooby-snack shaped cushion and promptly spent my time playing and finishing the campaign in Warcraft III.
I could have spent more of my time reading, as I had intended to but I wanted to play this game and that is what I did. Was this immature? One can take the view that all things are ok in moderation - but then we have to define moderation for that to be effective. However the intuitive mind knows the difference between right and wrong, enough and too much. I know that I did this too much and abused my freedom.
I forget where this statement comes from but it is rather telling I feel -
"The path is clear to all of us, it is simply easy not to follow it."
I know at some level what I am and what I want to become and how to do it, its just easier sometimes to sit down and play games.
As the title of this blog might suggest my principal interest at the minute is the philosophy and practices of the taoist tradition. There are two principal books in taoism - the tao te ching and the I Ching. Sadly the translation of the tao te ching that I have is currently out of date - if you're interested the ISBN is 0850305330.
My interest in taoism stems from my study of t'ai chi on and off for the past decade or so. I would say I am still a beginner in the art and there are whole swathes of stuff I don't understand yet, but as it says in the tao te ching, if one doesn't practice diligently over time, one cannot suddenly understand.
My interest in taoism stems from my study of t'ai chi on and off for the past decade or so. I would say I am still a beginner in the art and there are whole swathes of stuff I don't understand yet, but as it says in the tao te ching, if one doesn't practice diligently over time, one cannot suddenly understand.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Bizarrely this weeks New Scientist magazine has an article on "Who are you?" and a few articles on personality. I'll have a read methinks.
Monday, September 15, 2003
Why this blog?
I've been thinking about why I am curious about what I am. Clearly I'm a human being. I personally think it's likely that my current form evolved from other animals on the planet but its plausible that something created humans in their current form.
What am I?
So tempting to try to answer that in this post, but that is I guess what this whole blog is about for me. I'm reading alot of stuff right now, I've read alot of stuff too... I find that as I read and assimilate things I have an internal dialogue, small sudden realisations, insights and it is these that I wish to document here.
I think back to when I was 14, when I started T'ai chi with the local rising dragon club. I made great leaps in my understanding then of what I was and what I thought a good person was. I can't remember how I thought then, what I thought then and what my dreams were. I find also that I have forgotten and rediscovered some things. I hope that in the future I can look back at this log and see some of what I was and not lose insights.
So I guess this blog is for me, a place to put my musings on what I am, what it is to be human and whatever else my monkey mind springs to.
I've been thinking about why I am curious about what I am. Clearly I'm a human being. I personally think it's likely that my current form evolved from other animals on the planet but its plausible that something created humans in their current form.
What am I?
So tempting to try to answer that in this post, but that is I guess what this whole blog is about for me. I'm reading alot of stuff right now, I've read alot of stuff too... I find that as I read and assimilate things I have an internal dialogue, small sudden realisations, insights and it is these that I wish to document here.
I think back to when I was 14, when I started T'ai chi with the local rising dragon club. I made great leaps in my understanding then of what I was and what I thought a good person was. I can't remember how I thought then, what I thought then and what my dreams were. I find also that I have forgotten and rediscovered some things. I hope that in the future I can look back at this log and see some of what I was and not lose insights.
So I guess this blog is for me, a place to put my musings on what I am, what it is to be human and whatever else my monkey mind springs to.
Friday, September 12, 2003
Ok, need to add another post. This Blog business has been distracting me little by little from my work all afternoon and now I'm off for the weekend and won't be able to update it for a little while.
I have at present got high hopes for this blog. I hope to look at questions about myself here and through expressing these discover something about myself. I feel that I should draw on the experiences of the Introspectionists - a group of psychologists who tried to understand the human mind by trying to apply empirical principals to studying their own thoughts. Many thought that this was a waste of time, as observing behaviour inevitably causes it to change - however I believe the act will help bring some clarity to who I am or at least who I think I am and what I aspire to be. Documenting such a process I hope will change me for the better - if it doesn't or I don't like where its going I'm sure I'll simply stop talking about all that and start discussing computer games which have consumed alot of the 27 years of my life to date. Maybe there'll be some of both.
Sounds pretentious and lofty doesn't it. Perhaps I've already discovered something there then ;)
I have at present got high hopes for this blog. I hope to look at questions about myself here and through expressing these discover something about myself. I feel that I should draw on the experiences of the Introspectionists - a group of psychologists who tried to understand the human mind by trying to apply empirical principals to studying their own thoughts. Many thought that this was a waste of time, as observing behaviour inevitably causes it to change - however I believe the act will help bring some clarity to who I am or at least who I think I am and what I aspire to be. Documenting such a process I hope will change me for the better - if it doesn't or I don't like where its going I'm sure I'll simply stop talking about all that and start discussing computer games which have consumed alot of the 27 years of my life to date. Maybe there'll be some of both.
Sounds pretentious and lofty doesn't it. Perhaps I've already discovered something there then ;)
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