Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Discipline

I'm having issues staying awake at work. I think this is largely due to lack of sleep as one might expect - sleep more is the obvious answer!

obvious, easy - so why am I tired? The tiredness is a symptom, so what is the problem? Am I sleeping badly?? No, when I go to bed I am asleep pretty quick - partly due to my actively trying to stay relaxed in life.

So why? In spite of the fact that I am working, need to be awake and alert, I am choosing not to go to sleep in enough time.

Why? Perhaps there are too many demands on my time? Indeed, I have a house to look after, many pets whom I am responsible for, a partner I live with, family, work to do.

It is sadly not these that keep me awake but simply my compulsion to play games. It occurs to me now that work is not the only duty/responsibility that I have been neglecting. I have tonight cleaned out the fishies - bless 'em, but I ought to have done it a couple of weeks ago. The others could do with attention too. I need to address this soon.

I am facing the effects of an addiction here, to a small and inconsequential degree. I have spent to much time doing something. As a consequence I have not been what I should have been to those around me. I am not the one affected yet, but it is adversely affecting those around me in whom I have an interest and care about. In time this would lead to their alienation and ultimately to an unhappy lonely me.

My lack of practice at t'ai chi and other meditation techniques has left me lacking in my ability to concentrate and lack of sleep more susceptible to lack of concentration.

I am still tempted to spend an hour playing tonight, although i doubt i could do that until after 11pm. That would mean midnight, or knowing how I play, 12.30am. This is how it happens, easy.

early to bed, early to rise - makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise....

the path is clear, but its so easy not to follow it...

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