halloween: vampy karen

 

halloween: most of the crown and sceptre dresser uppers

 

halloween: cackling sammy

 

halloween: jen and alicia

 

How to Write a Children's Story - WikiHow

How to Write a Children's Story - WikiHow

Little Leyla

 

Shamanism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A very interesting article:
Shamanism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Guardian Unlimited | Guardian daily comment | Suspicious behaviour on the tube

A remarkably worrying trend - make sure you dress seasonably

Guardian Unlimited | Guardian daily comment | Suspicious behaviour on the tube

Apparently I live near a bronze age round barrow - ooOOoo 

Angels and demons

Just finished reading this book.
Another fine read from Mr. Dan Brown (http://www.danbrown.com/).

All the same questions though, a number of different answers too.
What is faith? What is god? Where does morality fit in? Who am I?
All fine questions asked by many men far greater than I. Could start with my name couldn't I - after all this is my usual answer to "who are you?"

Craig
http://www.thinkbabynames.com/name/1/Craig
Beattie
http://www.family-crests.com/coat-of-arms/family-crest/b/beattie-coat-arms-1643.html
http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~jkmacmul/namemeanings-coatofarms/mottoes_Ba-Bl.html
I find the motto intriguing

"near the rock" "May we follow heavenly inspiration"

Sounds like a riddle eh? Brings to mind an image of a young man sat on the grass at night, on a cliff face with the waves of the sea crashing into, through around great splinter-like fingers of rock that soar from the sea. This isn't what the young man is looking at though, his ears are full of the sea but his eyes look to an infinite darkness peppered with bodies of light...

I think I'll go look at the stars and the moon tonight.

Time and time again

As I wrote earlier I'd recently read the da vinci code - excellent book in my opinion - not least because the small number of characters gives it a simplicity and the content matter harks back to my roman catholic upbringing.
The challenges the book offers are most interesting and has made me think back to decisions I made (or perhaps failed to make in my youth). I remember quite distinctly (distinct memories are rare for me) at the age of eleven standing in the back of St. Georges church (Anglican - FYI) and seeing an advert seeking young men to join the priest hood. At the time this appealed to me and I considered it quite seriously for some time (distinctness of memory fades here). So now at 29 I no longer attend church - why?
When I was younger and asked that question I would likely have replied that I didn't see the value in the rituals associated with the Church. I observed that some were taken from elsewhere but the answers i.e. why we do them didn't seem to come across. The classic prayer with the hands placed flat together seems to be a Buddhist thing - the hands are placed together to complete the energy pathways through the body.
I think this is still a valid assessment and arguably I still feel that way. Has my path found me more answers? Not lately I guess, but I think it has. You know I started writing this thinking I would come to a no conclusion - hehe. What answers might you ask? Actually maybe more questions, but the path is clear and I think I've an idea what the objective is I think - and I'm keenly aware I don't have the willing to reach it.

Hmm.... Interesting brain dump this - for me anyway. The path continues - for now it is learning the nei gung of the wu dang t'ai chi club.

Onwards!

just read the da vinci code

liked it :)

long time no blog

well much has happened but apparently not blogging. I've just pointed my www.craigbeattie.com address to this blog so thought I should add a line in here.

Just recovering from sunburn at the minute after spending time with my family in Eastbourne. Hope to post more soon.

Buying a wooden straight sword....

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=7131177441&ssPageName=STRK:MEWN:IT

bidding for swords

Ok, so a couple of Paul Chen swords came up on Ebay recently and I figured I'd have a go at bidding for them, get myself a good deal. I am looking for an oxtail Dao sabre for my practice of the sabre form and noticed that a straight sword had come up to (thought that might be handy for the sword form down the line).

Sadly both went without me and the one I really wanted - the Dao went for more than its worth new??? Auctions are a bit mental like that though I guess. Still looking around for best prices now then.

currently reading...

Currently I am reading Steal My Art: Memoirs of a 100 Year Old... which discusses T.T. Liang from the point of view of one of his students. I'm about half way through now and finding it to be an amazing read. Here's a man who achieved many of the ideals of a T'ai Chi exponent - including living to 102 years of age in good health.

It is an incredible insight into some of the big names in T'ai chi chuan. The book does well to get rid of the idea that a T'ai Chi master is necessarily like the wizened enlightened monks we often see on TV in the films, but rather real men who lived in what has been a most eventful and terrible century. The book is worth a read to anyone interested in the experiences of a man who lived through all the 1900s but mostly to those interested in some of the T'ai Chi history of the last century...

Folks at the crown and sceptre - my local

Another year

Wow.

Just had a look back through this blog that I shamefully have been neglecting (oops, poorly constructed sentence there). Just had a look at my post from one year ago -
view here.

So a year ago I found I was playing too many games too much to the detriment of my work, my studies/practice and my life in general. Have I improved?

Well I freely admit that I have been playing Halo 2 - a fine game for the Xbox. Also been playing a little on my PC. I do feel I have been doing this a little more than necessary but I have also been practicing t'ai chi and eating so I think my life-balance is better than it was back then.

It's amusing reading back through my blog - if i didn't know better I'd say about 5 people authored it. I'm glad to report that I am in better health now than I apparently was a year ago & I still have my interest in games, toys and t'ai chi.

I am looking forward to 2005. I have now done something I have wanted to do since I was 14 and that is to learn, practice and start to understand a t'ai chi long form. I have a number of great friends and have found experienced people willing to spend time teaching me, I am indeed in a fortunate position. I have now worked through the hand form of the Wu-dang style and I am half way through the sabre form. I look forward to completing this and trying my hand with the sword and pole forms in the coming year.

Work wise 2004 was a bit of an odd one. There have been many great upheavals and many changes in my own role to which I have risen to poorly, inadequately and exceptionally perhaps in equal measure. I am now settling into a role for a project that is the product of mine and my friends thinking for the last six to nine months, and indeed it was that thinking that sparked the creation of my 'techie' blog. I look forward to this though accept that I must change if I am to meet this new challenge and make it a success.

All round I think 2004 has gone well. The things I haven't done which were the subject of much thought a year ago are largely people related. I run the risk of easily becoming a hermit with my interest in largely solo hobbies. I thank my other half for keeping me in the world of folk and helping me realize that there are people round here worth spending my time with - something I forget all too easily from time to time.

All in all good, here's to 2005...

At the end of the long form

So now I have a reasonable grasp of the Wu dang long form in both the square and round styles (although much practice is still needed - particularly for section six). I find now though that when I am practicing the form it is different. Even doing part of it now I find that I grow warm, draw a sweat from my body and finish feeling as if I have done some serious exercise although I am left not feeling tired.

An odd phenomenon. I wonder if others find this to be the case.

Wudang style single hand pushing hands

Thought I'd write a quick note on this (since I forgot).
In the Yang style t'ai chi styles I've studied the single hand pushing hands form has been done at just below shoulder level. In this case you push from the shoulder of the pushing hand towards the centre and yielding towards the opposite shoulder of your opponent.
In wudang style the push is directed towards the opponents hip on the same side as the pushing hand. The yield then is directed to the hip on the opposite side.

In the case of the Yang style this is an example of two of the first four powers - ji and lu. The ji is directed at the opponents centre and the opponent is forced to lu (yield or roll back) and direct the force away in order to maintain their balance.
In wudang it is again an exercise in ji and lu, however in this case the exercise strengthens and flexes the kua (the inguinal crease in the hip joint). It is the kua that allows someone to bend at the hips without bending the spine.

One-to-one tuition

Today I had a private lesson from my teacher who first introduced me to Wudang style tai chi. Wudang is a name chosen to imply the heritage from the Wu family style but to show that it is a different style (very similar though).

The chap who's teaching me has an web site at realtaichi.com. if you want to know more about Wudang style or practical taichi have a look at taichichuan.co.uk.

Today I went through the first section of the long form again. I haven't been practicing the square form recently (a training version of the long form) and this activity showed me that my posture and the accuracy of my form needs to be addressed.

I must practice.

Sword bag??

I now own a hockey stick bag for my sabre too.

Will get some practice this weekend methinks.

Got a sword

Got a sabre to be precise, know the first 5 or 6 moves of the sabre form.

Looking at some personal tuition to get the wudang long form learnt and nailed. Any thoughts welcome.

wooden sword ordered

So, life t'ai chi wise is progressing well i think.

The class however is a little too scattered for me to learn the long form effectively and I wonder if I'll have similar issues with the weapons forms. I am now looking through Dan Docherty's book on t'ai chi and this coupled with following others through the form is proving fruitful. I am intending to write a little here about the wudang style Da Lu I've been learning but I've yet to start this. I'm also looking forward to the up coming workshops in london and hope to attend my first in september!

wooden swords and service oriented architectures

hmm..

my lifes pretty odd.
Anyhow currently looking at buying a practice sabre to practice the sabre form. Also looking around for a class to consolidate my form training.

On a different note been looking at service oriented architectures. Found some blueprints so looking to read through those soon.

Still also trying to get throught the Tony Buzan books - I'll whack a link in for those later.

really must update this more.

oo... Mind, body and kick ass moves is pretty amusing.

Opening style

Still I am learning new things about the simplest part of the t'ai chi form. Its got a number of names not least of which is "Opening Style". To the observer it looks as if the body stays still or sinks a bit and the wrists are raised in an arc in front, to just below shoulder height, drawn back towards the body and then the palms are pushed towards the ground. simple eh?

well, yes and no.

I read somewhere, think it was a guide to the 24-forms form, that this simple exercise is the first one taught to the shaolin monks and that there are many disciplines where the initial step is to repeat this exercise 10s, 100s, 1000s of times. So whats so special?

I've so far heard two interpretations of what the exponents energy should be doing when doing this exercise.
1. From a Yang/shaolin stylist
The chi or focus is drawn to the top most part of the forearm as the arm is raised. Then drawn to the underside or palm as it is dropped.

2. from B.K.Franzis - a wu stylist
When the hands are almost level with the shoulders and in front of the right and left channels (referring to the channels that connect the accupuncture points) then the fingers are extended sligtly, weight is shifted to the ball of the foot and energy is drawn up through the body and projected from the fingers. As the hands are drawn back to the body the energy is drawn in. (don't try this without reading his books or having a teacher familiar with energy arts - the headaches and symptons of incorrect practice are most irritating).

The latter is reminiscent of what I've read of bone marrow nei-kung.

One form or movement of many and there is so much written of it. most odd.
Certainly t'ai chi is a many layered art.

Realtaichi.com

Realtaichi.com
Very cool blog!
This is written by the guy who first introduced me to wu-dang style t'ai chi.

S700i phone

Product promotion selector

Found a new toy. My P800 is starting to feel a little old so I think I'll be waiting for this little chap to come out in the shops.

css Zen Garden: The Beauty in CSS Design

css Zen Garden: The Beauty in CSS Design

Bit of a techy thing here, but I really need to spend some more time looking at css technology and looking at my site at craigbeattie.com.

Also - just trying out the blogger button on the google toolbar!

Odd emotional reactions n' stuff

Back when i did the reiki 1 course I recall getting spontaneously angry, just waiting for a bus - an emotional reaction quite out of character. I am now finding similar reactions. I would describe myself now as more tetchy, irritable, angry on occasion. I am reacting in my usual fashion of letting it pass or trying to but it is unusually common at this time.

There are two possible sources - works a bit more stressful at present although to be fair I have usually been able to disassociate the rest of my life from work quite easily to date. The other possible cause - and this is why I mention my reiki 1 experience, is that my current activities trying to meditate and working through the accupuncture points associated with the microcosmic orbit (taoist meditation technique) are releasing this energy, these emotions and it seems that this is to be expected.

Its an odd side effect. One wouldn't imagine that breathing and meditation techniques would have this effect. I am now more aware of feelings of pressure around some of these points and finding that I have to conciously relax and 'smile' to free myself of them.

an odd thing i thought i would share.

a new understanding of chi gung

chi gung and the whole taoist meditation has been a bit of a side hobby for me, that is to say an interest brought about by my interest in t'ai chi. Anyhow, I'm starting (I think) to get a good academic grounding in the early stages of developing energy and to a degree how it relates to t'ai chi. Starting to... after about 14 years.

What have I learnt recently?

Well, I've read the first two chapters of a book by mantak chia called: bone marrow nei kung. This is the largely secret art of enhancing your bone marrow, blood and body by focusing on the bones.

I've learnt a few things from these first few chapters. Firstly, and this is an odd one, I'm not ready to read it. Sounds mad doesn't it? The content discusses how one should move ones focus, ones concentration around your body to bring about certain changes. Now imagine you're reading a book that says focus on your belly button - try reading that without doing it! I couldn't I'll admit, I was reading passages and finding that at some points I was having a go without meaning to. A fairly meaty headache told me I wasn't doing things quite right - but the book has spurred me on to practice some of the basics first before gathering all the knowledge I can.

An interesting lesson.

So this is why things are not taught before you're ready - cos you're not ready!!!! marvelous.

What else did I learn?

erm.

well, its not all magic. its based on simple things, meditation and using the bodies hormones to grow.

i'll leave it there for now methinks

Without diligent practice you cannot suddenly understand

Thats a quote from one of the t'ai chi classics - a set of texts concerning t'ai chi that were found some time ago. If you're interested have a look at the wudang site.

I have had a few occasions to re-read texts on chi gung and some simple taoist exercises of late and discovered that I had not understood them. I've gone on to read them again and found again that I did not understand them. Perhaps I will have to read the same text and practice the same thing a thousand times and I will understand. Clearly I am not ready to really listen to the message.

On that note I discovered what is meant by "listen to the sound of one hand clapping". Quite interesting. It's a meditative listening exercise. Once you have listened to all the created sounds, all that is, then you will hear the uncreated sound - that which isn't - the sound of one hand clapping. wierd idea. there's a name for the sound - AUM.

So, my academic understanding of all this stuff has improved.

Has my practice? Well - I just practiced an exercise I've been doing since I was 14 and this time it was different, uncomfy a little - my belly felt full and distended like a balloon had been inflated in there. With no taoist master and an academic path relying on books I must try to find out what this means. Perhaps I should ask for help.

Reading - lost in translation

The feet can walk; let them walk.
The hands can hold; let them hold.
Hear what is heard by your ears;
see what is seen by your eyes.

TAOIST VERSE

borrowed from page a day calendars.

I've read a lot lately. It's occured to me that I may have a good academic understanding of the a few of the essential principals but I have had difficulty applying them. To say I have an academic understanding for me, I guess means I have a detached, non-practical understanding. This in itself is part of why I'm interested in T'ai chi - particularly the martial applications.

Perhaps this is why so many of these philosophers were martial artists and warriors. In the heat of battle if you are uncertain of the path then you pause, you decide what the thing to do is and then do it, rather than simply doing it.

One of the key elements is to be present. I believe this is referred to by the last two lines above - hear what is heard by your ears; see what is seen by your eyes. This also alludes to another key principal - don't let your conscious mind alter what you see. A child is present - in the moment, not worried about things done and what is to come. Also, a child experiences the true moment - far more than an adult. As an adult I will listen to what someone says but will not remember that - I will remember my analysis, my interpretation based on schemata (to use a cognitive psychology term) in my conscious mind.

So these two simple lines that would most likely make people chuckle at their simplicity represent two of the hardest things I am trying to learn and I have it seems failed.

I believed I had an ability to be present - you must in order to practice T'ai chi well. After reading a book called "The present" it occurred to me that while I have the ability - I don't do it! How bizarre is that? I know what it is, the benefits and yet I distract myself when I should be present.

I have also discovered that when I am present I am not good at listening - be it by ear, eye, touch or all my senses. I hear, see and feel but through the veil of my conciousness. It is this in part that leads to me being chucked around rather easily in the free-style pushing hands sparring I've started taking part in on Thursday nights. A martial demonstration of my mental discipline.

I now find that perhaps I don't understand the whole verse. I have an idea what part of it means but as you can read above - and with some irony - I read the verse and interpreted the part my consciousness was able to interpret and didn't analyze the rest till now.

oops...

went to see "when harry met sally..." show

Its been a good weekend. went to see when harry met sally and met Alexis Denisof and Alyson Hannigan. Oh, and Luke Perry was there too.

That was a very cool show. lots of fun.

T'ai chi was good this week. Started practicing a little pilates - see how it goes.

evanescence gig and sherlock holmes

Went to see evanescence on monday night - damn fine show. There were certain key tracks that really got to me and were done beautifully. In particular I got that whole goosebumps listening to the music thing when the My Immortal track played, most odd, seemed to invoke some emotion in me and it was almost like a catharsis. Indeed Aristotle coined the term to describe "the emotional effect of a tragic drama upon the spectator". A great experience. I may try to whack a few pics in here shortly.

OO, and took my other half round baker street on the way back yesterday to have a look at some of the sherlock holmes stuff.

good day.

time passes

its been a short week at work with much done in it. Good work too, got to play with much of the j2ee software stack. Also attended a very enlightening lecture by david cook, top chap in the bcs. exciting times.

Taichi again tonight

Tried a few new things out. good class - much fun and i haven't crippled myself. Most exciting.

Just ordered Macromedia Studio MX 2004 so hopefully there'll be some more web development from me on the way.

A weekend of bathroom decorating beckons.

Making time

So I'm playing games a little less, reading a little more and making time for a few bits and bobs. Still not practicing as much as I probably should but hey, I'll get there. Just recently got all the way through the Wudang style short form in t'ai chi - the square form. I should explain. In Wudang there are two styles to every form - square and round. Square can be thought of as a teaching style - simplified and broken down into steps, while round is how it was intended to be. So now I know the short form in square and the first (of six) section of the long form in square and round. A way to go yet but getting there.

Still intending to write here about the books. Will get to it.

A new direction

I have in recent weeks discovered how far from my professional goals I had travelled. I have since put some more effort into cpd activities with the BCS and also into reading directed at improving my ability to perform my job.

I have read some interesting texts around leadership, motivating others, why people work. This in itself has been quite a journey for myself as I've discovered obvious factors articulated clearly that have affected my own motivation and that of my team over the past few months. I am also a little clearer on how being present - so crucial to many Taoist and Zen practices - benefits ones work. I have also found a guide to when one should look at the past and the future.

I started this blog to both record my thoughts and give me a place to articulate and construct these thoughts. I still need that even though I haven't found time lately to add new posts. I hope to rectify this as I describe my findings from my recent studies.

more friends are mums and dads

A couple who are good old friends from bristol have just had their first baby. Thomas Sedlen was born 10:58 on friday.

very cool :D

reinstalled computers

well, thats xp installed on my puter again.
seems to run pretty quick - can't tell if thats just the SATA-150 or the RAID-0 stripe.

Just watching a bit of Eliza Dushkus (imdb) new series - tru calling. Interesting premise - groundhog day meets sixth sense. Suffers a bit too much from gratuitous shots of eliza running around the city - she really needs a car or a cycle but beyond that it's look pretty cool.

Birthday today i've had. quiet thing and perhaps deliberately - an excuse for donuts tomorrow though so thats cool :D

I now have a hoard of DVDs to watch too - still collecting more than watching but i'll get there. for now, watching telly and playing too many games :)

currently playing unreal tournament 2004 too much.

also - distinct lack of practice over the past few weeks of t'ai chi free thursdays.

my word its been a while

Well, it certainly seems that distractions are happily keeping me from doing things I used to think were important. These things are still important but with less time due to time spent at work and an ever increasing desire to play and have fun, well, it seems sitting and writing a little about what I've been doing has gone out the window.

So what have i been doing?

Playing unreal tournament 2004 (see below). Been talking to my sis a lot since my nephew was born. Been going to t'ai chi though not last week and this week is my other halfs birthday. Got two SATA drives and RAID-0'd those, will be reinstalling my OS in the coming weekend.

What else? erm. oh, found an excellent tea site.

will write more soon....

I'm an uncle!!!!

My wee nephew was born today (well, friday 19th) at 2.43pm weighing in at 2lbs 6oz. Little fellas healthy but will be in hospital a while until he's big enough to go home. all cool. sis is well too.

sweet dude.

went to t'ai chi thursday night

ankle held up well but i seem to have removed a layer of skin while doing some of the punch pad drills - doh!

I think people are starting to wonder why i am following a hobby that injures me so much. Really must find out what I doing wrong there, clearly I am bad at punching!- punching? how hard can it be? ho hum.

still good class. i am really not very fit and have a long way to go before i am anything like good at freestyle pushing hands. Theres apparently a competition next month that i would like to see but its the 4th of april which is already double booked in my calendar :(

lots of other stuff i have to report but thats for another time i think.

chinese meal

as it turns out i went for a nice chinese meal last night, although woke up in the middle of the night with a migraine. These thankfully are rare now but I'm not sure what it was... likely the food I guess

ankles feeling better today though

nice

I find myself hesitant

After a morning wondering around London going to various meetings and an afternoon at my desk I find that my ankle is complaining. I think the outside tendon is currently lightly stretched and is displeased about it. I am hesitant about going to T'ai chi tonight and concerned that the hesitation is simply laziness masked as concern. I am tired though and my ankle is not great - a third week away from the class would seem advisable.

Is this 30% out of laziness or avoiding 120% with good reason? The latter I think.

Ho hum. Will rest my ankle this evening and practice this weekend.

Been a while huh?

So whats happening now?

Ankles much improved though not 100%. The arnica cream has most certainly helped. I am intending to go to T'ai chi tomorrow night although won't be taking part in the more martial drills. Some parts of the short form are at present beyond the scope of my ankle so I will selective even in the parts of the short form that I will be doing. Still, attending will help my ankle in my opinion - doing what I can do and no more will be as far as I should go.

I don't know if I have mentioned this before but apparently there is a Taoist saying that one should do 70% of what one can do, no more. To do more, to go to 90% or 100% means one risks going to 110% or 120% should an accident occur - such may cause injury. Another instance of this statement concerns eating. Eat until you are 70% full - when too full there is no room to digest ones meal. This one I have difficulty with, being English and inclined to clear my plate at any oppurtunity. Indeed finding the 70% level is difficult. often one doesn't want to do what one is doing so 70% becomes an excuse and becomes 30%. In the case where one wants to do something then 70% easily becomes more. Perhaps then this rule is really about finding a healthy balance. A useful indicator though.

On another note I am now contributing a very little amount to charity.

And now???

well, foot swelled up totally on friday. most impressive. difficult to walk since thursday evening.

the swelling diminished over the past few days to reveal some mean bruises! first appeared on the inside of my foot, then on the outside around monday. Finally some bruises appeared on my toes.

walking has become progressively easier and I'm currently walking at about toddler pace.

I have just popped some arnica cream on and an hour later have improved flexibility in the joint. COOL!

oddly a chap at the t'ai chi class offered me a tincture of arnica at the end of the class when I hurt myself and I turned him down, saying I had some - pride got in the way there. This could well have reduced the healing time had I taken him up on the offer but like many men I dislike being in debt to someone (except possibly faceless credit card companies, loan companies, banks, etc. )

Lessons to learn again.

In other news I now own an Xbox with project gotham 2 and battle engine aquila. My obsession with computer games continues.

Just sat watching jake 2.0 on the telly too - seems like it could be a good series.

so what happened?

well, we were doing a technique where person A punches, person B blocks and controls person A - then sweeps their legs from under them. Done it loads of times, this time I was person A, my right leg was swept - body twisted round as usual, foot didn't move as usual :(

loud crunching noise

not actually loud, sounded loud to me. like snapping celery. bleurgh.

warm feeling in ankle, 5 minutes later difficulty standing on it.

why did the foot not move? a few reasons, me tired, me unprepared a bit, lack of practice, lack of warming up joints. hmm...

many lessons to learn.
sleep. practice. warm up.

as I frequently say, the path is easy to see but its easy not to follow it.

lack of practice takes its toll

so, er, sprained my ankle at t'ai chi this evening.

bottom.

Sufism

I have in the past week grown a little curious about sufism. My first exposure was probably in the film "Romancing the stone". I recall a group of warriors for want of a better term, with a joy of life and a particular outlook.

The thing that brought this to mind was an entry in my "zen - page a day calendar". The specific saying was:
Love the pitcher less,
and the water more.

Cool huh? A very poetic was of saying don't judge a book by its cover and yet so much more. So often we look at the shell of things, yet it is its contents, its purpose, the ordinary thing that nourishes us. One could imagine this being used to describe choosing a partner, don't love the way someone looks, rather what is within, for it is that which support you and help you grow.

It occurred to me at that point I didn't know much about sufism. So, I have ordered a book on the subject (The Shambhala Guide to Sufism) and hunted around the internet a bit too...

from my limited perspective so far i find it interesting. An Islamic tradition that seeks to find purity of mind/spirit by becoming and accepting God, a death of self if you like and the acceptance of something without into oneself. An interesting theme and it seems to me there is much history of wisdom in this tradition.

went back to reading up on taoist practice...

I had in the past considered internal alchemy to be the path for me. I knew it to be a long drawn out process that starts out refining and strengthening ones body and then developing an er, energy body I guess you could call it. I have now finished one of the principal chapters on these techniques and find that they aren't what I thought. Thats not true, they are but to do these things, to become that person I would have to become something I don't want to be. At least not at this time.

Still the internal strength stuff sounds cool - absolutely have to get better at finding time to practice though by crikey! Finding? One makes time for important things. I must make time for this if it is indeed important.

Things to do though...

Lost its track

Reading back through this blog i think its obvious that its track, train of thought or path or whatever has become a little bit distracted for want of a better word. Clearly then, so have I.

I guess I have covered most of the topics discussed in my first post but I do feel I am spending more time on games and toys now than I was before Christmas. I note that in mid-December I would look into the whole give as you earn charitable donation thing - a simple first step to contributing to the world and being a bit of a better person. This I haven't done either. Better do that this week, it is important to me but I seem to be easily distracted by acquiring things and my responsibilities at work. Actually I have discussed before the Taoist view on acquisitiveness. It is harder to go and do the right thing if you are anchored down by belongings. Each thing I buy adds to my responsibilities, my commitment to maintain it and drains on my resources - I am aware of this. However some of these things give me a freedom - purchasing my house feels like it is in this camp. It is by far the largest anchor and commitment I have but it frees me from concerns about where I will live and what if the rent rises etc. Acquisitive I am though.

One thing I have been able to do is share my belongings of late. A friend has recently bought a DVD player and is going through our collection of DVD's, similarly I have lent a number of terry pratchett books out - which by the way are superb. I'll stick one of my ubiquitous ads at the bottom of the post.

I intend to practice my t'ai chi today. I'll post at the end of the day and let you know how I got on.

happy Chinese new year BTW!!!!

spellforce

just finished it!
was most fun

played all the way through as an elemental mage. now, could play again as a different type of character, try the internet or move on to war of the ring, the next game i had lined up.
Internet i tried, not fun. the simply gamespy interface just isn't enough - the way blizzard did it in warcraft three is just superb. not so here I'm afraid. no no.
playing again as another character sounds fun, might do that later but war of the ring beckons.

wierd blog this, now i have clearly let games and computer bits cloud my path. well, for today at least.

Got me a printer

so thats the techy gadgets bought for this quarter methinks.
Odd blog this - I should have called it the tao for computer techie nerd type folks

Its Friday!!!!

As usual - had many thoughts and I only have time for, er well none, gotta go to work.
T'ai chi was fun last night - still need to practice moving, breathing, watching my balance, listening to the opponent all at the same time. tricky..

ordered the printer

so er, there you go.

not practiced my t'ai chi though. maybe after star gate sg-1 has finished on the telly...

toys

just got a new toy! the logitech quickcam messenger.

Cost me 28.99 - sweet dude.
Next thing will be a printer me thinks. seen a nice hp one I have... might come up in the ad below:

thats another fine class you've gotten me into....

T'ai chi was good tonight. Did a variant of the single hand pushing hands which was interesting. Designed as a flexibility exercise I think - something I've lost some of as well as the strength in my legs.

must practice..

late

off to bed

done well-ish today. rabbits clean, up a bit too late, spent some quality time with my other half, now to bed - bit late but to bed with me. T'ai chi tomorrow - cool

Discipline

I'm having issues staying awake at work. I think this is largely due to lack of sleep as one might expect - sleep more is the obvious answer!

obvious, easy - so why am I tired? The tiredness is a symptom, so what is the problem? Am I sleeping badly?? No, when I go to bed I am asleep pretty quick - partly due to my actively trying to stay relaxed in life.

So why? In spite of the fact that I am working, need to be awake and alert, I am choosing not to go to sleep in enough time.

Why? Perhaps there are too many demands on my time? Indeed, I have a house to look after, many pets whom I am responsible for, a partner I live with, family, work to do.

It is sadly not these that keep me awake but simply my compulsion to play games. It occurs to me now that work is not the only duty/responsibility that I have been neglecting. I have tonight cleaned out the fishies - bless 'em, but I ought to have done it a couple of weeks ago. The others could do with attention too. I need to address this soon.

I am facing the effects of an addiction here, to a small and inconsequential degree. I have spent to much time doing something. As a consequence I have not been what I should have been to those around me. I am not the one affected yet, but it is adversely affecting those around me in whom I have an interest and care about. In time this would lead to their alienation and ultimately to an unhappy lonely me.

My lack of practice at t'ai chi and other meditation techniques has left me lacking in my ability to concentrate and lack of sleep more susceptible to lack of concentration.

I am still tempted to spend an hour playing tonight, although i doubt i could do that until after 11pm. That would mean midnight, or knowing how I play, 12.30am. This is how it happens, easy.

early to bed, early to rise - makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise....

the path is clear, but its so easy not to follow it...

A weekend away

Just back from Brighton. My other half fancied a night away so we stopped down there.
Nice it was. The sea life centre is cool.

Anyhow, so am I still addicted? I believe that was my focus recently. Going back to work had the effect I expected, in that it calmed matters, although I have probably played it 4 or 5 days out of the seven this week. This is of course a massive improvement.

T'ai chi was good Thursday although I performed quite badly in the free-style pushing hands. A testament to my lack of practice. I would have whipped their butts at spellforce of course but er... well. Good game though, the story line is quite reasonable and the gameplay keeps me entertained for hours on end. I'll stick an ad in for you at the bottom.

Amusing, I remember talking to a 14 year old a month or two ago and I asked what he wanted to do with his life. He replied that he wanted to play playstation 2 games. I thought to myself this is what's wrong with society, kids don't want to contribute, don't want to work, just play games. hmm.... Perhaps he was simply honest about what he wanted to do with his life than I am. Given the opportunity, it seems I too would spend all my time playing games.

but I will play the game

No point in going cold turkey. I must find balance, denying something doesn't feel like finding balance - but then I would say that since I want to play it.

The cold thing is interesting too. A good number of people I know don't take drugs to treat the symptoms. I do. Did. Hmm... they did help, but ultimately the activities this morning felt like they releaved the bulk of the pressure I felt in my head which ultimately was the cause of the headache and groggy feeling.

It was odd actually, the pressure felt sinusy. I don't think that breathing, focussing and waving my arms around emptied my sinuses though. If you take the chinese view it would say that there was a build of energy at this point because of the sinus issue. My activities then cleared the energy build up not my sinuses then. Thats one explanation. Perhaps just relaxing helped.

hmm... drugs or arm waving. right now I seem to think both.

I'm curious what other people use to lift colds.

not playing the game

also got rid of my cold.

woke up groggy this morning and resorted to a chi gung clearing down exercise and a bit of the reiki dry bathing and cleared my head. generally feel alot better today. Interesting that I got the cold at a time when I was largely neglecting my practice and focusing too much on playing.

looking forward to the class on thursday though, been a while and i really need to run over the short form again as I really have neglected my t'ai chi practice. Also sat watching the new episode of stargate sg-1 - an excellent series.

nice to come back to a little balance.

I will admit though that the break has improved my perspective at work and my ability to perform.

I am an addict!!

I am addicted to spell force. Looked up the definition on www.dictionary.com as is often my wont and this is what I found:

ad·dict P Pronunciation Key (-dkt)
tr.v. ad·dict·ed, ad·dict·ing, ad·dicts

1. To cause to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance: The thief was addicted to cocaine.
   
2. To occupy (oneself) with or involve (oneself) in something habitually or compulsively: The child was addicted to video games.
   

1. n. One who is addicted, as to narcotics or a compulsive activity.
   
2. A devoted adherent; a fan: We are all... addicts of change (Christopher Lasch).
   

Wow, the child was addicted to video games. To occupy oneself with something compulsively. Every spare minute I get to myself has sadly been spent on spellforce. It all began a wee while ago. I got really into warcraft 3 and was playing that a great deal - a fun and good game and in multiplayer far superior to spell force. I took some time off over Christmas as I was required to take my holiday. I had visions of me meditating and practicing t'ai chi in the garden during this time but this has not come to fruition. Poor weather and cat/dog doodoo in the garden put me off outdoor pursuits and so I was left practicing indoors - this soon diminished to a token effort though as I picked up homeworld 2, a game purchased some months before but that i hadn't played because I had been playing warcraft 3 incessantly. Homeworld 2 soon fell, completing it in several days but my thirst was not quenched - a new challenge please!

Now I have come to spell force. A game similar to the others but you get a principle character - an avatar. The more you play the more powerful you get. Where can I take this character, so many new challenges, so much to learn and do. A challenging game with just enough rewards to keep me playing far longer than I should.

I am sat here writing this in part to pull me away, but in truth I don't wish to stop playing - maybe play a little less before I lose all contact with the outside world.

Still, life is returning to normal, I'm back at work and t'ai chi class starts again in a week.

Truly my Christmas and new year have been a time of self indulgence.

Merry Christmas

Mine has been good, hope yours was too..

woah - been a while

and why?

cos I've been playing spellforce all my spare time. Had to book some time off and well, spent most of my time playing games. managed to complete homeworld 2 a week or two ago - darn fine game that by the way. The I made my way on to spell force.

I guess if warcraft 3 is mostly real time strategy with a spot of role playing game then spell force is mostly role playing game with a spot of real time strategy. So you're there with your principle character walking up to farmers/merchants/etc. and get little quests to run off and do. I must admit doing all these silly things in this game is oddly rewarding.

I guess thats what games are about, being given, facing and overcoming a challenge or two.

Sadly this doesn't take me nearer my goal, but its christmas and i have some time off so for now it will do.

certainly satisfying my inner kid.

oo, another quote

"What we leave behind is not as important as how we live" - Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek Generations.

so how do you have a positive impact on the world?

Easy, give a homeless person a tenner! At least that kind of makes sense. Makes one persons life a bit better for an evening. Doesn't feel like it qualifies for having a positive impact on the world though. Not really a big deal or a great impact.

There are loads of charities doing just this though. Trying to have a positive impact on the world, making life better for many people. There are many that do good work on an ongoing basis. Supporting these financially on an ongoing basis would be far more effective. Facilitating a small part of a big impact. Every drop raises the ocean as they said in dinotopia ( - classic philosophical source that).

In the new testament Jesus is quoted as saying, "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.". The same topic is covered in the tao te ching, as it talks of how acquisitiveness is generally not a good thing and makes it harder to do the right thing. This is me sat in my house with so many hundred dvds among other things.

Still, small things. I shall look into the whole (tax-free) charitable donating thing in the new year.

no post for a while

and by crikey there should have been.

In truth I haven't wanted to. A friend of mine posted this in response to my last blog and cleared up his previous question by asking a new one: "what positive impact are you having on the world?"

Indeed this is the crux of what I was getting at in my last post. I finished that with kind of saying, well, if you you are good at heart, do good stuff, then the effect can only be positive. I implied that that was sufficient and walked away happy that I was doing enough. I read this question above and felt that I had lied to myself, a small comfortable lie but the truth is I was not doing enough and this is still the case. Indeed, it seems I do not want to do more. The excuses are plenty - no time, no money, other obligations... In my heart I know that I am not doing enough. This has stopped me sitting here and writing. I knew if I did, then I would have to face this truth.

I am now thinking something that will placate this feeling, but will be another comfortable lie if I do not act on it. My new years resolution this year will be to do something about it. Now being trained as I am in project management, requirements analysis and problem solving I will be able to get around such a wishy washy definition. Perhaps over the next few weeks I'll put some ground rules around that.

Its odd, such a quest requires the definition of doing something that has a positive impact on the world. Theres a question of scale - both in terms of how much of the world and how much of an impact. How does one measure the impact? The other question of course is can any good come of an action I am undertaking because I feel I should do it, rather than a great desire to do it.

Given my previous writings and what I have read desire is most certainly the wrong word. Perhaps a sense of duty is the only place this can come from. Writing about it, as I have pointed out before, is risky though. It means I may be no longer doing it for myself but for my audience - as small as it is. If that becomes the case that would taint my actions - as I have already said in this blog, I must be on guard for that. If anyone does read this and in future months feels I am playing to the audience rather than doing what should be done - shout at me! (an email will be fine though)

that wu-dang class

right, now I'm back in the blogging thing I can write up the class and stuff.

they are so cool, most excellent. I feel I am learning a great deal from attending them and I am being exposed to a much broader cross section of the art than I have before. Last week we did some sabre drills which was fun and the only thing stopping me going out and buying a t'ai chi sabre is the whole christmas/money thing. Great fun.

Also on thursday - 11th. We practiced the first part of the five element arm drill. Essentially this is a series of defends and counters done with one arm. The sequence is with the right arm, right, left, high, low left, low right. Mirrored for the left arm. Theres some foot work too and suspect a lot more subtlety to the arm work. It was most interesting.

Also practiced the nine palace stepping exercise. all good fun.

I'm going to pre-date this to friday which is when I should have posted it - I actually posted it midday sunday.

Again, so much to say but...

So little time.

and now, time but nothing to say. I've been thinking a lot about things micro and macro lately. What would a healthy society look like? What is a good company? What role does a good person play in this society? The early taoists, the philosophers were often wise men of state who advised in political and military matters and perhaps it is this path I am stumbling into with my monkey mind...

I live in a capitalist society, ultimately a company is deemed good if it performs well on the stock market - which in turn is determined by its share value, dividends and overall profit. So for a company to perform well, for it to be deemed good in our society it must be both popular and function for a profit, which is then returned to the shareholders.

Is this good for society? A good person is therefore someone who contributes to the shareholder value of a company. This could be achieved by cutting 500 jobs to cut costs - meaning 500 fewer people are contributing to the economy, not getting paid and not spending so much... Its good for the company, but for the economy? For society?

What is good for society? Is it what's good for the individual? Good for most of them?

A friend once asked me, "what will I be remembered for?" An interesting measure of a good person. I like the story of the emperors doctor - a man famous throughout his country, and one day someone asks if he is the best doctor, as he is so famous. He replies that he has two brothers and they are both doctors. He cures people once they are very ill and does this quite effectively. His brother however prevents most of his patients from getting ill and cures most of the rest - he is the better doctor but only known in his principality. His third brother has many patients but none of these get ill. This brother is the best of all, but only known in his town.

Here is a flaw in the "I want to be remembered" approach. Those who are remembered do great things, bring about great change, do something drastic. These are important, but those who do the greatest work, improve the world most, are not seen. Those who ensure things don't get ill aren't remembered, only those that clean up after an problem has already grown too great...

What does all this mean to my earlier question? Truth is I don't know. Where am I going?

Perhaps good can be done to the country, to the company, to ones local community by simply endeavoring to ensure that things go smoothly. This is what Taoism is then. The belief that the future is always moving, but that one can discern change, see what is changing and how - once one understands change, then one can act with it and allow things to progress as they should.

Study how things change - great and small.

Another practical wu-dang class

Attended another class today. Was quite a challenge tearing myself from work to go. The act has benefitted that as well as me, giving me time to think and resolve some of my frustration. Duty is an odd thing.
The class itself was fun. Odd mixing fighting drills and t'ai chi. I am still a poor student though. I am reminded of the story of the philosopher who went to the master to learn from him. The philosopher sits as the master poors his tea - asking questions and talking through what he knows. The master sits silently pouring tea, eventually filling the cup and allowing it to overflow. The philosopher cries out in alarm that the cup is already full. So the master replies "How can I teach you, if your mind is already full?"

So it is with me, I have learnt bits of yang style, lee, chen and read a great deal. I have fought and sparred with wing chun and karate - although I was never adept at the old fighting malarky.

Now I find that in the fighting I fall back to the wing chun drills when I am unsure, I also find myself assimilating knowledge with what I already know, rather than accepting all that is before me, what I am taught. An interesting task, simply learning. Simple yet so hard.

Still, learning I am despite myself. I hope that fortune allows me to continue with the class.

Zen, Buddhism, Confucianism and Taoism...

As with any philosophy and group of people that are together at a time, all influenced each other. As with stories, ideas, any thing that can be passed from one to another, people take what is pertinent, fit for purpose, useful and combine all these into ones being. The writings of a philosopher is a view on this I guess. A two dimensional picture seen at a certain time.
Taoism it seems is quite neutral, or was. The influence of other philosophies introduced the idea that the Tao, the common consciousness is benevolent.
Not sure where I'm going with this. I am just wondering about the source of right and wrong, its definition. What makes a good person? What makes a good culture? A good nation? A good entity? What makes a thing an entity?
Confucianism is quite close to something I dislike. I don't know it well enough to really comment, but when has that ever stopped an English man. It seems like a set of rules, a code of conduct, something that on the face of it is where Christianity is today. Perhaps this is what people see of Christianity these days, not the mystical/spiritual side of the religion. Perhaps this is how Confucianism complemented Taoism. From what I have read it looks like zen strengthened the ideas around the development of the mind and the diminishing of ones desires. Taoism was initially most interested in longevity and immortality and concerned itself with changing and strengthening the body.

I must find out about the wisdom out there, come up with my own philosophy. I like the idea that if we clear our mind, our ego - then what is left knows the difference between right and wrong. This is hard to prove I suspect, although so many people can't be too far off wrong. The major sticking point is that I don't really want to rid myself of my desires. How does one tell the difference between right, wrong and desire???

Practice I think...

T'ai chi class with fighting drills etc.

Great fun throwing people around and getting chucked about.

The practical Wudang class out of town was worth the journey.

history of taoism and stuff

It is quite an interesting book. Quite bizarre how the philosophy has been turned into a variety of texts. One thing I found quite odd is the adoption by the 'taoist' community of the study of longevity. I think this goes to show the range and number of influences on taoism and the taoist practitioners. Taoist alchemy is well known area and used in the martial arts and arts of longevity. This is based on cultivating internal energy and using it to alter ones mind, body and spirit.

This however, seems inconsistent with quelling ones desires and living in a non-acquisitive way. However that sentiment comes from the karmic and action sects of the taoist tradition. Where does modern taoism come from?

Interesting book - thoroughly recommend it.

Taoism n' stuff

just reading eva wongs book on the history of taoism. Have a look here. Not sure what to make of it all yet, although it is an interesting book. I'm certainly more interested in the philosophy rather than the religon although the shamanic side is interesting.
Could shamans talk to animals? That would be handy. seems unlikely to me though. hmm... could one intuit what an animal is thinking/wants? i guess thats plausible. hmm.. proof would only come by experience i guess.
Haven't got to t'ai chi yet. There are references to taoist yoga-like movements, which interests me immensely. I practiced some of these when studying lee style at the croydon buddhist centre. I could find no texts on these at the time and since joined the wudang school.

I wonder if what they share with yoga and/or pilates if anything. hmm....

Wicca fest

Today I visited witch fest as a couple of pagan friends came to visit. It was an odd event for me, quite different. Nice to see so many people not quite conforming to the normal view of how one should look. Haven't seen quite such a display since my university days I suspect.
There were a few things that interested me there. One in particular was a workshop on moving magic. Looking at it from my perspective (i.e. not with my head being completely empty) it seemed like a bit of group energy work, with bits and pieces in common with all energy working practices. An interesting observation and odd to see this idea of some "energy" tied up with ritual practices (by that I mean following some sort of order).
However this wasn't struck me most. The big part that struck was that watching this I saw people of many generations, different backgrounds all working together, having fun and laughing with each other. Rarely have I seen teenagers having fun with older folk in modern english society and actually wanting to be there and contribute. If nothing else I like some of these practices for their greater sense of community.
I am personally still unwilling to commit myself to a religon as yet, though so its unlikely this blog will turn to paganism. The day brought me an interesting insight though.

Birthday meal

Went for a friends birthday meal this evening. Fun was had by all.

Reiki 2

I recently did the reiki one course to essentially see what this was all about. I note now that the reiki 2 course (i.e. practitioner level) is available and I would like to attend. However it is a considerable amount of money, especially this close to christmas so I fear it will wait till the new year.
If you're interested the guy who taught me reiki 1 has a website at www.reiju.me.uk.
An interesting art.

Zen tea ceremony

My other half got me a text on the Japanese Zen tea ceremony. This is something that has intrigued me for some time so I look forward to flicking through the pages.

Round form wudang

Round form is cool, it feels much more flowing than the yang style forms - perhaps an indication I was doing those incorrectly. I do strongly recommend Dan's book though. A very good read although I should state it doesn't cover the round form.

commuting

I spent the last week commuting to and from london. Typically only a 40/50 minute journey each way but it certainly was enough to change me. I found that I became very competitive about getting a seat on the train, to the point of almost getting one in front of an elderly gentleman walking with the aid of a walking stick. Madness, I'm 27 and reasonable young and fit, I don't need a seat but the mentality of the crowd almost seemed to be survival of the fittest, first come first served.
It took me a day I think to lose my sense of chivalry and a few moments to snap back to my senses and not follow the crowd and try to do what I thought was right, even in this small way. I don't know when I lost my sense of perspective, probably when someone jumped ahead in a queue. A seat isn't very important though. What a difference to those journeys it would have been if only half those travelling were more polite and less worried about getting where they were going (in a seat).

Dead like me

Just thought i'd pop a quick post up about Dead like me. A great show that looks at all bits of life from the point of view of someone who's died. Odd idea, but a different point of view often leads to simple insights.

Good luck to a friend off on his journey

hopefully he'll update his blog while he's away.

been a while since posting

much there has been to do. missed last weeks wudang lesson but hope to go to the 2 hour one in carshalton tomorrow. that reminds me - better get my bits together for that.

Who am I if my knowledge of right and wrong comes elsewhere?

This is an odd question that popped into my mind a while ago. Where does freedom of thought and expression and personal choice come in where one believes that one can enter a state of mind which dictates right from wrong?

I think however that this is an immature view of something I do not yet understand. Most of the processes around achieving enlightenment etc. seem to be about clearing out the old impure (for want of a better word) thoughts so that one can think clearly from ones core/true being. Thus, one is less influenced by fear and adverse experiences of the past and one can observe now with clear eyes. In such a state I imagine it is quite obvious what must or should be done - its only fear and self delusion that hides this or prevents us from taking that path.

Could one interpretation of the tao in this context be used to mean that which is our true being? hmm...

The Force and the Tao

"You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack." - Yoda

Could almost be a quote from the tao te ching eh? Its an interesting idea and consistent with Lao Tzu's writing, if we are calm and aware then we will know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. Wonder if Mr. Lucas ever read it. hmm...

looking forward to episode III...

backs, gardening, squatting and tai chi

just having a break from a spot of gardening. well, potting more like. putting small pot plants in a big pot in other words. odd exercise it is. Both the pots and the plants were on the floor and I was squatting down to do my work and found out a few things. The most interesting for me was a theory of how i hurt my back a while ago and a knowledge that it was still injured. As I was squatting down I was getting uncomfortable after a while and shifting around here and there. I found that I would stretch the tendons in the bottom of my feet in certain positions as I lifted my heel but still had my weight on that foot. I also cut off the circulation to my feet here and there by having my leg bent such that my hamstring muscle rested on my calf muscle. Anyhow I shifted around and eventually stood up and bent down to carry on. My instinct was to support my back by placing my right arm on my right thigh and twist down with my left hand to reach the plants etc. This was apparently bad. Conciously I know this to be true but I guess its a habit I have gotten into. Oddly if I take a wide stance and squat down (horse riding stance), bending my back forwards rather than twisting it is quite strong and this is how I completed my work.
twisting seems like it should be easier and it is for a while, ones back doesn't get as tired. Clearly though it has done me harm. Aligning the body properly however was ok, and even though the injury is still there (it let me know when I twisted) by moving properly it didn't affect me and I made it no worse. I feel like i'm stating the obvious - move properly, look after yourself, twisting your back while moving heavy stuff is bad. It is obvious and yet I had this little habit that I resorted to as I felt a bit tired. I think this goes along the lines of "the path is obvious but it is easier not to follow it".

3rd wudang lesson

Its still proving interesting and challenging. The section on the taichi classics at the taichichuan site is a darned interesting read. I've yet to compare it with the translations that I have but its free and a good guide to taoism and one on one combat.

The art of war and war craft III

well, i was hoping to write a bit using the art of war to analyse a game I am currently playing but time has eluded me. should get time over the weekend tho, so look out for that.

where and what is wudang?

After joining this club I had started to grow concerned that I was learning a small family style. The book I got (see below) states that the wudang style was created by the author and was his form. This is a little worrying as if anything happens where my current teacher is unavailable I won't complete learning this form. I figured I would try to find out a little more and a google search later pointed me to a few interesting sites. In particular taichichuan.co.uk is an excellent resource and has some interesting discussions on the tai chi classics (a series of texts concerning the practice of tai chi) - neat site. Looks like there are plenty of instructors nationwide and around london so my concern is eased.

A bad student

Its late and I'm off to bed soon but thought I'd write a little something. The t'ai chi class today was cool. I had underestimated the teacher and it seems he is quite capable of chucking me about. I still feel that this is a good oppurtunity, the focus in the class is a good balance of form and theory and two person training. As I have already said, this is just what I need. I am pondering taking up more classes in the same school - time and money allowing.

fingers crossed.

Oh, the title - yes, I am a bad student. A student who believes he already knows a great deal on the subject can be very hard to teach.

From reiki to christianity

Ok, did some thinking on the bus this morning about taoist rituals and teaching methods, reiki and possible links to early christianity. To get into this I feel I need to get on paper some of my thoughts that I haven't got round to yet, i.e. I need to write a few essays before getting to the point of my thinking this morning.

I was particularly thinking about my experience with Reiki and how this has deepened my understanding of some of the more esoteric references in taoist literature (and slightly frustrated me). I was introduced to reiki a while ago, one of the t'ai chi students in newhaven had previously practiced it and this was where I heard the name. On and off for a few years I read a little bit here and a little there on the subject and earlier this year came accross this site. Reiki is essentially an energy healing technique from Japan and is only decades old rather than the centuries or millenia of the other arts and practices I have discussed here.

I don't have time to discuss the art in great detail, and arguably I am not qualified to do so. However, there are two bits of interest to me here:

1. The method by which the art is transmitted
2. The way in which the first practitioner acquired this ability

Firstly, it is transmitted not by words but by ritual. The theory goes that a master can give the knowledge to a student and that knowledge and understanding will unfold in the student. The message is passed as energy (as far as my understanding goes) and inserted into the unconcious. Now if we accept that this is possible then this makes sense of a great deal of the taoist practices. Unfortunately this means to get a truely deep understanding of taoist practices I must find a willing teacher/master at some point in my life.
Secondly, the way Usui discovered the art is most interesting. He spent many years in search of a quick way to attain the healing ability accredited to monks who spent many decades in meditation. He like me believed that there was some method by which a person could heal another through touch or some action, and had observed enlightened individuals doing this. After many years he felt that he had failed and went into the wilderness to meditate, intending not to eat and not to come back - an honourable act in those days. After some days he recounts a feeling of a great energy like a ball of light descending into him and feeling his body infused with energy. When he came back from his journey he found that he had discovered what he was looking and could heal people.

I will not go into the full history here as 1. I don't know it and 2. the thingy in my temple is telling me i have sat here too long already, but this event reminds me of a number of similar ones that happened with holy people of the Christian tradition, where God or the Holy Spirit appears as a ball of light and the individual is imbued with special powers or enlightened as a result. Here I betray to you my view that the stories of the tao, of the holy spirit and god all talk about the same phenomenon. This got me thinking about the early christian traditions. There is a point when Jesus becomes aware he will die and calls together his disciples for a last supper. If I were aware that I was about to die and knew of a method to pass on my knowledge and part of myself to my students then I would do just that. If Jesus' power to heal was similar to that of these enlightened people then is this what the last supper did, the wording seems to suggest it? In this way, through repeating this ritual as Christians do so this same energy and knowledge could be passed through the church, providing the person performing the ritual was in line from the early christians or a holy person. The act of blessing and the laying of hands are also acts that occur in all three traditions.

In my youth I turned my back because I did not find the answers there and felt hypocritical repeating the dogma each mass. Could then the christian tradition and the sunday mass which I left behind be a mechanism for passing this knowledge of God in both words and something else? Is this where my mum found the power to heal herself?

Amusing and ironic it will be if my path takes me back to my origins, but in keeping with the nature of things. One cannot see the forest until one leaves it and wanders up a nearby hill.

I think my current path is valid and that the taoist writings and traditions whilst often cryptic feel for me closer to the truth at this time. An odd observation I made on the bus this morning that I wanted to share.


search google for reiki

Opening my head

One of the books i am currently reading is Bruce Frantzis' Opening the Energy Gates of Your Body:... (see the blatant advert below for other titles). I'm finding this to be a very interesting book and it is from here that I am taking most of the guidelines for studying my body and my energy system. I guess I should come clean here. I do believe that there exists something, which the taoists typically refer to as chi, that is capable of healing the body and giving it great vitality. I personally would like to live as long as possible so if there are techniques around for cultivating this energy then it would be in my favour to try them out. This in itself is partly why I have chosen this path.

So, I have made the assumption that there's something to this chi malarky and that chi gung or nei gung can help us develop an awareness of it and control it. I have read a number of books on chi gung and have a few that refer to nei gung, but I feel that this one is the best for me at this time.

One of the key first steps I have come accross is practicing knowing the difference between what one is feeling and what one isn't. I can visualise raising my hand, quite accurately "feeling" the associated sensations - but this is very different to actually moving it and feeling my true hand. If one is looking to study ones body and become more aware of it, then it is important to distinguish real feelings as opposed to things put there by your mind. An important point this one and one that I think applies to all things, see/feel/hear what is really there, not what you want to... A difficult thing I think.

I am currently trying to focus on specific points in my body and become aware of them and their current state - this is an exercise a little way into the book so if you're going to try read up first, such things can be oddly dangerous. According to the book one starts at the top and work down, trying to feel blockages and places where things aren't flowing easily. I have found what I think is quite a significant one near my left temple (not got very far yet). The sensation feels quite real, although I admit my inexperience may be misleading me here. What I can feel is an almost physical pressure, one that grows as I grow tired or spend to much time in front of the screen and diminishes as I relax and particularly if I spend a little time meditating on it. So, I feel that I am taking my first steps (in spite of being at this t'ai chi and chi gung thing for over a decade now) in to my body. I can sense many points around my head that are mentioned and feel this one blockage, others may exist that I am simply not aware of.

I must admit that now I can sense this thing - what ever it is, I am more and more aware of it as time passes (I noticed it about a week ago). If I hadn't read about what I might find I would be quite scared I think, what with tales of mobile phone related harm and all.

I'll continue and write here how I get on.

Another busy couple of days doing things that must be done.
Interesting coincidence - the last two posts. Is there such a thing as coincidence? Perhaps all one has to do is ask...

Off to bed now though.

went to the new tai chi class today. promises to be most interesting. Apparently this is derived from the wu style and i haven't seen this style before. There also seems to be a greater focus on push hands and partner work which is just what I need.

cool

Complete Tai Chi Chuan is a book covering the history of the style.

Watched an amusing film last night - "the bullet proof monk". Basically picked it up because it had sean william scott in and chow yun fat - where can you go wrong? (i forgot to mention the influence jackie chan and bruce lee films have had on me ;) ).

It was quite interesting with chow yun fat playing the enlightened monk quoting from the tao te ching. The quote I'm thinking of is as follows: "to know others is to be wise, to know yourself is to be enlightened". I often let these things wash over me in my youth but never really understood where they were coming from or why they were important to a fighter.

I am starting to get an idea of what is going on here though. There is a process one goes through in order to clear ones mind so that you can know yourself without the clutter of emotions or illusions of the mind getting in the way. This becomes important to a fighter because an enlightened figher uses his* mind to direct his energy and his body as is apropriate. If there are parts of oneself that one is not aware of then these are a liability and may cause a fighter to hesitate, freeze up or have an inapropriate emotional reaction. Only by truely knowing oneself can one have full mastery of oneself and hence achieve excellence as a fighter.

There is, as usual another side to this coin. This is the role that fighting or sparring can have in becoming enlightened. It is all very well saying that one has dealt with their personal demons and have cleared their mind, but sometimes one doesn't know what the pond contains without stirring it up. So sparring can be a way of challenging oneself, ones image of oneself and ones mastery of oneself. I am currently wondering whether I should take up an art that is more focussed on martial applications and sparring as well as t'ai chi to complement my studies.This is not the only way, there are - or so I've read - many thought exercises that one can go through, repeatedly trying to understand oneself more deeply. I shall ponder on it.


* 'he', 'his', etc. used in the sense of impersonal pronoun, not only thinking men here

Another day and its late again.

The thing I wanted to write about yesterday at some length that I'm going to summarise here is "rising to the challenge". This is how it was phrased in a book I'm currently reading and it is given as a quality of the spirit. I found this quite interesting, largely because I have now realised that I have not considered my spirit or spirituality in some time. It sounds strange doesn't it? I claim to read these books and be trying to understand myself and I have neglected something that many hold at their core.

It is particularly interesting here because it is this quality that I have been seeking and feel that I have lost to a degree, and now I tie this up with something I have been neglecting - most interesting. Convenient too, which implies I have assimilated the text into my current situation and understand it in perhaps a narrower way then was intended - but I think thats no bad thing. Hopefully I can adjust my focus and as I come to understand more I will re-read and get more from it.

This is how it has been with my studies of t'ai chi. I practice movements, observe similarities between yang, chen and lee styles and come to understand what I have been doing and what I haven't. Indeed the first move I learnt some 13 years ago now has far more meaning to me now, and back then I was eager to get to the movements where one kicks and punches and pushes and look cool. This first movement however, where one simply raises ones wrists to shoulder height and lowers them back down to hip height, is one of the early steps in shaolin training. Its a chi-gung exercise designed to excite ones energy. Indeed the monks will practice this one move thousands of times for many months before moving on. A simple move that I still cannot claim that I have mastered.

I find as I read and practice (far too infrequently) that I have not yet learnt to walk, I am still coming to know the extent of what I do not know.

My path feels as though there have been many steps back as well as steps forward, perhaps by leaving these pointers along the way I will make more in the right direction and find my path more quickly when I lose it, as I'm sure I have and will from time to time.

As part of the whole me not being mature thing I've spent this evening catching up on chores around the abode. Its getting late and i'm not done. I want to write a big spiel about one of the books I'm reading but it'll have to wait. hmm... Do the important stuff first, eh.